An Invitation to Create Brave Space In Real Time In Our Virtual World

A member of my monthly Community As Healer group shared a wonderful poem, which beautifully portrays the spirit of how we can create healing in community. It is called "An Invitation to Brave Space" by Micky ScottBey Jones:

Together we will create brave space Because there is no such thing as a "safe space" We exist in the real world We all carry scars and we have all caused wounds in this space We seek to turn down the volume of the outside world, We amplify voices that fight to be heard elsewhere, We call each other to more truth and love We have the right to start somewhere and continue to grow We have the responsibility to examine what we think we know, We will not be perfect. It will not always be what we wish it to be But It will be our brave space together , and We will work in it side by side...

In our increasingly virtual world, creating community spaces together is becoming increasingly rare. We may connect online in virtual spaces. But we cannot literally or physically be "side by side" when online. We cannot feel the energy of a group of hearts gathering together. There really is palpable energy when a group of people come together and join their hearts. We cannot look into the eyes of the people with us. We can get some visual cues from an online conference on Skype or a visual platform. But we really cannot make fully present eye to eye contact in the moment...and truly share space with one another in the silence that sometimes unfolds from this kind of presence.

We certainly cannot reach out to touch another human being. We cannot give literal hugs in cyberspace. And for all the emojis in the world, there are so many more expressions you can read when a real human being is across from you or beside you. There is a special power of gathering in the real world that is very different than gathering in the virtual world.

As we approach the turn of the new decade I have been reflecting back on how different things are now from the way they were at the turn of the century. In the year 2000, I created so many more "brave spaces" in physical reality. The groups I participated in were real time, in person meetings. People might have been busy and had lots of life commitments, but somehow there was more space for the regular rhythm of in person gatherings. Taking time to be present in person requires a kind of slowing down that is not possible in cyberspace. Being on computers or phones seem to speed everything up. So many texts to answer. So many Facebook posts to view and respond to. So many e-mails to read and write. So much data at our fingertips, always growing, waiting for us. And we can navigate cyberspace so quickly with the touch of a finger, never mind the old school typing of the keyboard.

I honestly found a kind of perfection in the imperfection of gatherings of real human beings in the here and now. Somehow, creating a safer place to share, together, allowed me to be touched by the vulnerability of my friends or colleagues or even initially strangers...who became less foreign with the passing of face to face time.

Today I can have a conversation by e-mail, but still not really know the person I am dialoguing with nearly as well as spending time in conversation in person over time. I loved my pen pals as a child. Receiving their letters from parts far away was magical. But it was not the same as actually going to whatever country they lived in (I DID meet one of my pen pals who lived in Manchester, England when I was in my 20's) or having them come to visit me (as a pen pal from Gambia did when I was a teen).

I suppose we create a kind of brave space together in cyberspace. But, I am sorry, it just does not give me the same peace of heart and mind as gathering together in person. Every time I have the privilege of leading my monthly Community As Healer group, I cherish the continuity of relationship of the long-term group members. I cherish the magical healing that takes place when we join hearts, minds and hands. I cherish hearing each person tell the latest news of their life's journey with their check ins. And I enjoy the physical time ritual of sharing lovely healthy snacks group members bring to share.

More truth and love can be shared real time. And I really DO love working in brave space side by side. Being a hand on someone's shoulder or having someone literally get my back really feeds my heart.

Fred Rogers' Extraordinary Contribution to Emotional Literacy

When I was a child, I remember watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, complete with its magical puppets like Henrietta Pussycat, King Friday the 13th and Daniel the Tiger, and its human characters including Lady Elaine, and Mr. McFeely the Postman, among others.

I enjoyed the show as a child, but I don't think I recognized how extraordinary it was until I was much older. In a culture that seems to ignore the value of emotional literacy, Fred Rogers was offering one of the few places children and adults could learn about the importance of identifying their feelings and developing healthy emotional habits.

When "A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood" hit one of my local art house movie theaters, I made it a point to take myself there post haste. I cried my way through the movie, touched by the way Fred Rogers touched people just by being who he was. Fred was not "an act" on tv. Fred's tv persona was no different than the real Fred Rogers you might encounter in life. And Fred had a deep commitment to emotional literacy, ongoing learning and personal growth as a way of life.

He had a gift for articulating essential truths simply and clearly: "There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind."

After the movie, I found myself searching the internet to find "words of wisdom" from Fred Rogers. They were abundant. And the collected words I found comprise a wonderful guide to healthy self-care, communication and relationships. Here are some of my favorite Fred Rogers quotes.

"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."

"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider these people my heroes."

"When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way."

"At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."

"When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."

"Love is life infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're 'equally infinite.' Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is too."

"All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors--in our own way, each one of us is a giver and receiver."

"I don't think anyone can grow unless he's loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be."

Fred Rogers' wisdom made him the consummate therapist, a true spiritual teacher, and a kind of Buddha-like human being. The fact that he was a very human human being, who could acknowledge he was not perfect and that life was a continuous journey of learning, healing and growing, made his wisdom all the more accessible and impactful. As I write the evening before Thanksgiving Day, I am counting my blessings for the work and gifts of Fred Rogers.

Music And Mental Health

As I prepared my set list to perform at a benefit concert for Tunefoolery this past Saturday, I found myself reflecting on the connection between music and mental health. My own two deepest life passions have been healing and music. And my experience is that both are sourced from the same creative well inside. Music and healing both are sourced from the heart, and both nourish and express our deeper, often non-verbal or voiceless parts in life affirming ways.

Being involved in organizations that integrate music and healing, whether it be performing at a benefit, singing with the Boston Minstrels at prisons, homeless shelters or VA hospitals, or singing as a singer-songwriter in mental health settings, assisted living facilities has always left me feeling emotionally and spiritually richer.

I found myself journaling about why music fosters mental health:

Music helps us find each of us find our voice. Voice is the expression of the soul. Voice is a sense of who we are and what we bring to the world. Voice helps us define our sense of self and show up in the world.

Music helps us express what is deeper than words. Much of our core humanity is experienced deeper than words. It is experienced in what we feel emotionally and somatically. It is experienced in felt sense, impulse, a momentary touch or glance. Music is a way to translate the non-verbal, with words and with melody, chords and sound.

Music touches the heart. Our world is not very emotionally safe. We need to defend and protect our hearts to keep safe. Behind our walls of protection, we may be safe at one level, but numb or alone. Music safely finds a way to reach through protective walls or defenses to reach the heart.

Music opens the heart. As the heart is touched by music, it often opens. Tears flow. Joy radiates. Anger may be safely felt. Vulnerability can also be safely felt. In these ways, music gives us the gift of emotional aliveness.

Music helps us feel connected and no alone. The stories expressed in songs are often our stories. Stories of love. Stories of loss. Lessons learned. Relationships with mothers and fathers and daughters and sons and friends and lovers. We recognize our own relationships, experiences and journeys and feel our interconnection.

Music bridges all divides. Music is not just words and notes. It is a vibration. It is energy. Is it emotion. And the notes, words, vibration, and energy reach through walls, across divides, and even beyond differences of culture and language.

Music is love energy in sound. The vibration and energy of music is love. Like Stevie Wonder writing music "in the key of life." Music from the heart reaches the heart. The heart recognizes the energy of love.

Music helps us feel and release what is locked up inside. What is locked up inside us is often at the root of what gets labelled as "mental illness." Anxiety. Depression. Trauma. Fear, pain, sadness, anger, aloneness all get locked inside us. It our spirit is weighted down. We numb. We freeze. We dissociate. If our feelings are locked up, we don't know how to find the key to release them...until music gives us that key.

Music touches the core of our humanity. I can not tell you how deeply I have been touched as I hear the talent and the heart of people who share their voice in song in prisons, in homeless shelters, in hospitals. People who feel lost and invisible command center stage. I have found my tears flowing freely, and shared tears with others also deeply touched.

Living On Purpose and Synchronicities

Synchronicities can feel like magical gifts: you think of a friend and then they call or text you...you cross the path of a stranger in a grocery story and it turns out they work in a company you've been wanting to network your way into...you attend an event and it turns out the person sitting next to you turns out to be someone who knows a friend of yours that you haven't seen in a long timed and wanted to reconnect with...

Synchronicities could be called "being in the right place at the right time." And they can also be taken as demonstrations that everything in life is interconnected. There really are six degrees of separation, or perhaps fewer. And when we focus on something that really matters, even if it is subconsciously, life moves to support what really matters in its own timeframe.

Some people consider them random and call them "coincidences." But I have found that they are not quite as random as we might think if we find ourselves connected to a thread of purpose driving our lives. As we grow a connection to our spiritual core--becoming clearer and clearer who we are at a very fundamental level, what really matters, and what living from what really matters means, our lives become more purpose driven. And the thread of personal purpose directs us to take actions that align with our spiritual core. These actions lead to meeting people, being in places and having experiences that are more likely to help us live into what really matters, what we feel in our hearts, and ways we want to bring deeper meaning and service into our lives.

I remember a refrigerator quote when I was in my 20's from Goethe whose message was that if you act from a place of purpose or divine guidance, life will move with you and support you. When you think about it, if you are trying to live a meaningful, spiritually driven, grounded life, and you are trying to make a positive difference through your words and actions, why wouldn't life support you?

Life will throw us all curveballs along the way. No one is imagine from difficult times or challenges. And enough trauma or big enough trauma can certainly feel spiritually crushing, and may be truly isolating to the point we question is we still have a spiritual foundation. But often the spiritual core of our human beingness is still deep enough and strong enough to help us prevail.

I think of the boys' soccer team that got trapped in the cave in Thailand a year or two back. The boys' coach had a very strong spiritual core and engaged in a meditation practice. By sharing this meditation practice and his spiritual strength with the boys, together, they managed to survive grueling conditions. And miraculously, the team of divers that braved life threatening conditions to find them, DID find them. And all of the boys and their coach were successfully rescued in a miraculous way. When the news of the rescue was in the news, I was not at all surprised.

Even when David Ortiz was shot, something I have written about both in words and in music, I had a feeling that there would be divine intervention to help him stay alive. David has an extraordinarily deep and big heart. And he is someone who has also struck me as a deeply spiritual human being. That a man near him in the nightclub has been shot himself, and recognized the urgency of getting David to a medical clinic within minutes of the shooting was an incredibly synchronicity. It saved his life.

The song "From A Distance," talks about God watching us and looking out for us, which may be harder to relate to for people who do not consider themselves religious. Yet, whether religious or not, when one goes deeper, it is hard NOT to notice or crave a connection with some sort of spiritual life force. Having a purposeful life is important to many if not most people, because purpose gives life meaning. Living a meaningful life brings happiness. Lack of meaning eats at the spirit and at our healthy.

Whatever our method and whatever our journey, as a sense of personal purpose gets clearer, it is easier to believe that God is watching us and choreographing much of what will unfold in our lives. And call it universal energy if you like, but this kind of spiritual dimension is at the heart of synchronicities. When I find myself having a series of synchronicities, including in unexpected places and ways, I take it as a sign that I am moving in the right direction.

Finding Your Center in the Eye of the Storm

Have you ever had a time in your life when seemingly everything deconstructed at once? Losses, deaths, unexpected changes on personal and professional fronts, one after another. No room for breathing space. Or perhaps, if we move from the personal to the global, is the unrelenting news about gun violence, fires in the Amazon, the palpable effects of climate change, the opioid epidemic, the political climate in the country and the behavior or those in positions of power too often overwhelming?

It seems too easy to find yourself in the eye of the storm. And this past month, I have truly experienced a life tornado challenging me to find and keep my center over and over again.

What can we do to stay sane, grounded and whole in the face of life's tornado forces? Read on.

1. Create a daily meditation practice for grounding. Before I start each day, and often before I wind down for bed, I take some space to meditate and go inside to give room for my deeper feelings, relax my mind, and connect with the still silent place inside from which my inner guidance arises. There are many ways to meditate, and sitting on a cushion with your legs crossed is just one of them. Lying in my bed for 15 - 30 minutes after I have first woken up provides a natural meditative space. Going inward as I exercise on the cross trainer at the gym gives me another meditative opportunity and space. Sitting outside while the weather is still nice and closing your eyes can provide another meditative environment. Taking a walk. Cooking mindfully. Find what works for you and incorporate it into your day.

2. Check in with your body and heart as you go through your day. It is too easy to get on a timeline and proceed methodically from one appointment to another without taking time out to tune in. If you are under high stress, even a 5 minute time out to close your eyes and take some deep breathes can create more spaciousness and grounding. Your body and heart most always have messages to give you about what pace to go at, what is most important and what you need for self-care, if you take the time to listen.

3. Be gentle and compassionate with your overwhelmed parts. When I get overwhelmed, I might have one of several responses. I might go numb because there is just plain too much for me to emotionally process. I might feel really sad, because something just crossed a line and I can no longer contain myself. I might get angry because I feel like I have lost the very inner peace I work so hard to cultivate and maintain. I don't like lose my grounding. I don't like feeling over my limit. But no matter how hard I work at self-care, I am human and sometimes too many pieces stack all at once. If I can bring compassion to my overwhelmed self, there is more space for my humanity--and yours.

4. Find a way to express your overwhelm, including feelings of sadness, anger and numbness. If I can find words to express what I am feeling, I can come back to my center. Sometimes I need to talk to someone I trust. Other times my journal or even typing into my computer is enough. Physical movement might be necessary. Or even writing or listening to a song. Painting or drawing might be an expressive pathway. Learn what expressive pathways work for you and them utilize them regularly!

5. If everything feels like just too much, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel the too muchness. Today, after a period of great stress and unexpected and unwelcome changes in many life arenas all at once, I hit a breaking point. Something happened that blew open the container of inner spaciousness I work so hard to maintain. And emotionally, I "lost it." My heart, spirit and mind all said, "I can't take anymore. This is all too much." I felt alone, my head spinning from the litany of "punches" my heart and spirit had absorbed in rapid succession, without the time and space I needed to seek support and process them. What had happened was just too much--internally and externally. But I could still be kind to myself. And I very much needed to step away, slow down, cry and feel the too muchness.

6. Learn when to reach out for connection and when to go deeper inside for grounding. If I reach out when I really need to go inside or if I go inside when I really need to reach out, I will not feel better, supported or more grounded. Being able to reach inside and reach out are both important skills. And the wisdom to know which one will be most supportive at any point in time takes time to develop.

7. Pray for things to get better. I do believe that if I hit a limit and reach out spiritually and ask for things to get better, it makes a difference. How and where we direct our consciousness and our heart energy, in time, DOES make things better. There will always be the things we can't control (like random mass shootings or corruption in government), but our self-care is something we can become more and more skilled at.

Self-care, emotional and spiritual grounding, self-expression and seeking support are all critical behaviors in ordinary life, but when we need to find our center in the eye of the storm, they are anchors, and life preservers.

Building Community Through Music and Art

Building community through music and art has been a commitment of mine since I was in my early 20's. As a 21 year old in Boston attending graduate school in organizational development at MIT, I was also deeply engaged in my first professional music career. I founded an artists-alliance group called The Boston Arts Roundtable, which met to discuss our process as musicians and artists in my living room in Arlington, MA, as well as collaborating on multi-media concerts in Eastern MA.

When I lived in Shrewsbury after graduate school, I would have informal salons at my house, where friends shared music, art and community. It was fun introducing people who circulated in different communities to others they would never had met had we not gathered in these salons. When I moved to Waltham 4 1/2 years ago, creating an intimate house concert series, the Music Salon, was a vision and motivation to get the house I actually chose to live in. Each month we build community through music and art, and my house happily stewards this spirit even in the days in between salons.

Co-founding the Women In Music Gathering, also an artist-alliance group, with Cindy D'Adamo and Colette O'Connor came from the same inspired seed. Gathering women musicians together bimonthly for a potluck lunch, sharing about our personal and professional journeys and a song share, complemented by collaborative concerts seemed like a natural and needed initiative.

All of these initiatives were and are local. The ability to gather face to face regularly over time, and present programs together in local venues is rich and meaningful. When I was fortunate enough to learn about LadyLake Music and its magical and inspired founder, Cindy D'Adamo, there was a natural fit not only professionally but also spiritually.

I have gratefully been a LadyLake Artist for about 1 1/2 years, and was amazed that primarily through social media, I could be part of a vital and growing network of people who were on a similar wavelength spiritually as well as professionally. But Cindy D'Adamo has a wonderful way of screening musicians for their values, work ethic and vibration as well as their talent. So, the people she brings together as the LadyLake community and family are warm, dedicated and really enjoyable people.

After communicating through all possible virtual platforms, but not yet in person, it was such a special experience for Cindy to come to Boston from Cape Coral, FL for our LadyLake Boston Showcase at City Winery. Texas LadyLake artist Dave Martinez also came to town, and it was no surprise what a warm and delighted human being he is in addition to being a fabulous performer.

Cindy really understands what it means to build community through music and art, but even more importantly, knows how to screen people even through social media, to find people truly on the same wavelength. Cindy seeks givers, not just takers, visionaries who are also implementers, and people who recognize that when we work together and support each other, we all fly higher and go farther.

In my coaching and body psychotherapist, an image I have used with clients for years is that of a lighthouse. The more grounded we become, the clearer we are about who we are, and why we are here (our purpose), the clearer the signal we radiate into the world from the core of our being. This signal or the frequency we transmit is like the beam of a lighthouse. And people we have not yet met are looking to see this signal or feel this beam, in order to be drawn towards to the people and experiences they need to move forward along their personal pathways.

To trust that putting out an authentic signal will bring us people on our wavelength--both people we need to meet and people who need to meet us, for the higher good of all, is at the root of this lighthouse image. After spending time with Cindy, it is wonderful watching her implement this very model at a national and global level.

The lighthouse model allows social media and our internet world to have a human touch reach through it. All possible platforms of interaction become places the lighthouse beam can shine and others can recognize the frequency in order to make meaningful connections. The connections can lead to local or regional face to face community and a larger national or global alliance which can be translated into face to face for special projects.

The LadyLake Boston Showcase was the beginning of this kind of translation, where some long distance alliances could come together to perform on the same stage in Boston. The possibility for more events of this kind, not only in Boston, but in other cities, is exciting and a natural follow on.

When community gathers, connection can happen and grow. And in the energy field of this growing community connection, all kinds of good things are possible. This kind of collaborative support community is so deeply needed and a true antidote to some of the scary, inhumane and toxic things happening in this country and our larger world.

I hope more and more people hear the call for this kind of collaborative community, and respond to this lighthouse beam. Music is the soul's language which brings us together and connects us heart to heart. These kinds of connections feel our soul, and help us stay grounded both in our vision and our humanity. I truly pray that our joint efforts "light up the love" as my friend Jerry Meunier, founder of Light Up the Love (tm) says. So many individual people and the world as a whole needs this now!

A Humbling Last Month

There is the saying, "when you have your health, you have everything." The converse is, "if you don't have your health, you don't have much at all."

As someone who has devoted a large amount of my time, energy and consciousness to taking really good care of myself and living a healthy lifestyle, this past month has been quite out of the ordinary. It has also shown me that even taking the best care of ourselves we can, does not make us immune to the currents of life. Stuff can happen, and it can be a real surprise.

Being self-employed as a body psychotherapist and a professional musician, I am aware how much energy I invest on a daily basis in creating both the structure and the content of my life. I am grateful that I have enjoyed the gift of high energy and good health, and that these qualities have allowed me to live both a connected and productive life.

But all that can change in the blink of an eye. On May 7, I went into a clinic for a surgical procedure, that required slowing down a bit, which I was prepared to do. The big surprise was a systemic viral infection that started out as chills on the evening of May 9, preventing my sleep, and leading to a very unexpected pathway of one health challenge after another, ultimately landing me horizontal for a week and a half. I had to cancel several gigs and postpone a Music Salon, things I do not do lightly.

Chills led to fever and zero energy. I went to my office on June 10, and by mid-morning, found myself needing to lie down on my own therapy couch. I called my doctor's office, trying to discern whether my state of fever and fatigue was related to the surgery or a virus I picked up at the clinic. It took until the end of the day to make complete contact with the doctor's office, but their verdict was that I had picked something up at the clinic, and unless my fever (which was 100 degrees) increased to 101 degrees, to go home and rest. Going home, usually a routine activity requiring little thought or energy, that day felt like a Herculean task. It took me four hours to find the energy to get off the couch, take my dog, and drive myself home.

Mother's Day weekend was a horizontal one for me. Zero energy. Zero appetite. I needed help walking my dog. One day of resting and trying to force myself to hydrate led to another day of resting and trying to force myself to hydrate. And as the fever started to leave, I found myself developing what turned out to be double conjunctivitis and a sore throat.

In our current medical maze, everything is compartmentalized. So, the doctor who was my liaison for surgery was different than the PCP I needed to contact about double conjunctivitis and a sore throat. After a day of chasing medical personnel about my latest symptom developments, I called back first thing Tuesday morning to get an appointment with the PCP's office to have my eyes and throat checked out.

The doctor concluded that my double conjunctivitis was likely viral, but we decided to treat it with eye cream anyhow. My throat tested negative for strep. So, throat lozenges, rest and hydration were what I could do. Low energy continued. As life's choreography often has it, a number of my clients cancelled or rescheduled, leaving me more time to rest and heal.

I realized after three days of the eye ointment, that I was having an allergic itchy reaction, and I needed to stop using it. The doctor's office confirmed my symptoms were that of an allergy and agreed with my decision to stop using the eye ointment. Since the double conjunctivitis was viral, it was starting to recede medicine or no medicine.

As the second week started to drag on, it became clear that I could neither do week of show promotion for nor hosting for my monthly Music Salon. And my voice had faded to laryngitis, putting into question my ability to perform at a cabaret showcase involving 7 singers that I was both producing and singing in. I rested and pushed myself through it. I did not want to let anyone else down. And when all was said and done, I was exhausted, and went home to rest.

The sore throat gave way to a bad cough, which led to bleeding from the area where the surgery took place. And low energy was continuing. Having already slowed down and reduced physical activity (my beloved daily gym ritual and weekly personal training sessions were shelved until I was more healed), the message seemed to be to slow down even more. As I reached out to the doctor yet again, the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, I was beginning to wonder when I would get to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I spoke with the doctor's office the Friday before Memorial Day weekend, the message was to take it easy and if the bleeding did not stop, to go to the doctor's office on Tuesday morning. As I write this, my plan is to go in to the doctor's office on Tuesday morning for more help.

In this period of reduced activity, increased resting and just being in the moment, I have become profoundly aware of how hard I work and have worked for a long, long time. I have become aware of how much energy it takes to keep creating and producing and making things happen both in my own life and for other people. I have become profoundly aware of the consequences of working really hard in the current state of the music world, where so much is virtual, so many talented people are performing as singer-songwriters, there is so little money available for investing time, energy, work, money, heart and soul in ones craft.

When I went in to the Whole Foods near my office earlier this week, I crossed paths with another singer-songwriter who works as a cashier at the store. I asked him how things were going with the single he had just released. "I don't really know," he responded. "It's like a work so hard, and then feel invisible, as though all my work and my music is just dumped into a big black whole." Somehow, having gone through my humbling, low activity past couple of weeks, I felt very much the way he did. I told him, "I understand. I feel that way too." Perhaps the camaraderie made his day.

In our social media society, an unspoken pressure to always present what we are achieving and producing and how we are succeeding and doing great hangs over my head and the heads of many others I know. New and exciting sound bites must be produced regularly and rapidly in order to stay visible and relevant. Some people post about their personal struggles and health struggles. But the line between oversharing and bravely speaking from the heart in ways that engender empathy are not always well-defined. Although being a self-employed, self-generating creative requires me to put a lot out into the world, as an introvert (who has worked hard to become an ambivert), when I am having my own struggles, I am more comfortable keeping them private.

Having two going on three weeks of health challenges, requiring cancelling life as intended or life as planned here and there, and not having the energy to generate all the sound bites required to be relevant leave my heart sad and my soul questioning. What seems necessary does not always seem worth it.

As my energy returns, and hopefully, the string of health challenges eventually winds all the way down, I am left asking questions about how much I want to do, generate and produce. What can make it easier? What can make my investments generate a more gratifying reward or outcome? What does one do about being lost in the black hole of cyberspace as a creative artist and as a person? I don't have answers. But I trust continuing to sit with the questions will ultimately be fruitful.

I do not mean to be dark or self-indulgent in writing this blog post. It is real. And right now, though I try to focus on what I have to be grateful for, real is a bit more dark gray.

Why Teardowns Hurt Us

"Well they're tearing down the 1950's house I used to live in And building two big houses on the lot And the old town square's transforming and the buildings are five stories I guess commercial development is hot...."

--from "Enough" by Linda Marks

I wrote the song "Enough" (which was released in November 2018 in anticipation of my 2019 In Grace album) in response to the teardown epidemic which is running rampant in Newton, Waltham and many other cities in the greater Boston area. The Newtonville house I practice therapy in located in "teardown central." Just down the street from my house, the Orr Block featured mom and pop businesses so many of us loved, before a commercial developer took over several literal blocks in the town center for a huge teardown project.

Instead of picturesque old buildings with first floor storefronts and a second floor with offices, a gigantic 5 story complex is being constructed. The mom and pop businesses were either forced out of business or displaced. And the cost of both retail and residential space in the new complex, once completed, will be many times the cost in the old buildings.

I was invited to share "Enough" at a meeting of the Ward 6 Democratic Committee in Newton last week, and what I learned about the costs of teardowns both deeply saddened me and sent my head and heart spinning in a kind of psychospiritual crisis.

The costs of the teardown epidemic include:

1. Displacement of current residents

2. Environmental costs of a larger construction footprint

3. A breakdown in the fabric of the existing community

4. Affordability challenges for seniors in the community

Let me address each of these costs:

DISPLACEMENT OF CURRENT RESIDENTS

When people sell their homes to developers, rather than families, the cost of housing in a community is driven up. Developers generally use the formula of 2.5 to 1. This means if they purchase a modest home for $500K, after tearing it down and building a larger home, they plan to sell it for $1.25 million. The kind of person who can afford a $500K home and the kind of person who can afford a $1.25 million home is very different.

Teachers, police officers and firemen who wish to live in the town they work in, human service workers and many other middle class residents cannot afford to purchase another property in a city that is tearing down modest homes and replacing them with much bigger and more expensive homes. This results in displacing middle class residents, who must move to other cities with more affordable housing prices.

ENVIRONMENTAL COSTS OF A LARGER CONSTRUCTION FOOTPRINT

While developers sell teardowns as a way to use more environmentally efficient technologies, the reality is that the new properties are actually costly to the environment in many ways:

1. It takes resources to tear down the old property and dispose of the refuse.

2. Even if there is a more environmentally efficient way to heat a new property, the fact that it is 2.5 to 3 times larger than the more modest property means that it takes much more energy to heat the new property.

3. If takes a lot of energy and environmental resources to make the construction materials used in the new larger home.

4. The new larger home will hold lots of "stuff" (including furniture, fixtures, rugs, other possessions), and it takes energy and resources to make all this "stuff."

When you add up all of these "hidden costs," the reality is that the new larger structure is far more taxing on the environment than the older smaller structure.

A BREAKDOWN IN THE FABRIC OF THE COMMUNITY

A community may have been known for its neighborhoods, including relationships amongst the people who live in the neighborhoods. When developers tear down modest or older homes and build new, larger houses in their place, the people who have comprised the neighborhood, are forced to leave. They can't afford the new homes. And they may want to downsize rather than upsize.

The density of the neighborhood can change if two large houses are built on a lot that once hosted one smaller house. Many of the new properties feature fences, where before there was open space. Fences suggest privacy and "keep away". messages to others in the neighborhood. A city councilor at the meeting I attended noted that many of the newer residents did not really care about the interests of the displaced people in the neighborhood. They were more focused on their own individual lives, with more investment in their own new home than in the history of the neighborhood.

In order to earn the money it takes to buy the expensive new houses, the new residents to the neighborhood very likely need to work long hours at high paying jobs. Even if families move in, the way of life of these contemporary families may be very different than the way of life the families in the pre-teardown neighborhood lived.

AFFORDABILITY CHALLENGES FOR SENIORS IN THE COMMUNITY

I was quite struck by the comments of an 82 year-old man at the meeting I attended. He was living in the house he was born in, having been away for a couple of decades and having returned. As property taxes were climbing, staying in his house was becoming more difficult. Living on a fixed income, there is not the budget space to absorb increasing property taxes and other related costs of home ownership. And yet, if this man were to sell his home, he would not be able to afford a smaller space in the community. Smaller residences are hard to find, and very highly priced. New construction of smaller residences such as condos are premium priced.

Even "affordable housing" that may be included in some of the new big construction projects, is costly. And the other residents must subside the costs with their already high rents. Too, the mix of people in these large new construction complexes may not offer the lifestyle that seniors seek if they wish to downsize.

In the face of all these issues, many seniors feel trapped in their longstanding residences, with increasing costs squeezing them, but nowhere else to go.

I was also struck at how easily pieces of a town's history could be torn down and forgotten. In Newton, the majority of the housing stock was built before the year 2000. And much of it is historical and beautiful. A lot is lost when these homes are torn down. Lots that once included lovely yards and gardens are turned into multi-dwelling structures with high rise homes. Yards are minimal. Sight lines are more limited. Older architectural styles can become extinct.

As more larger structures occupy a fixed amount of land, more people and cars crowd sidewalks and roads. A suburb starts to have a more citified feel. And this is not always good.

The teardown epidemic is very sneaky yet pervasive. In a matter of years, it is possible that all modest homes could be destroyed and replaced. The image of the frogs in a pot of boiling water very much comes to mind.

We need to realize we are in the pot of boiling water, and work together to see if there are ways we can get out before we boil to death. The same goes for the environment and the fabric of our communities.

Why Streaming Hurts Musicians

Imagine that you worked at a job you really loved, that expressed your heart and soul, but was virtually impossible to make a livable wage at...

Pay for this line of work has not only not kept up with inflation over the past 20+ years, but also and even more so, has actually paid less over time, not more. While it was difficult to make a living in this field 20 years ago, it is even harder to do so right now.

It is a profession where people ask you to work for free all the time, telling you they are glad to give you exposure...And it is a profession where there is no reimbursement for travel time or costs, no sick time or vacation time, no reimbursement for hours of preparation, rehearsing and marketing, and little understanding by the public what a reasonable contribution for services might be. Worse of all, the growing online access to products has made production costs impossible to recoup, never mind making a profit.

If you are a professional musician, all of the above is what you face. And to the average listener, it is all invisible. They simply want to enjoy your music, with little or not awareness or even care about how the music industry today impacts you.

Did you know that buying one album from a musician provides more income than 200 hours of streaming?

Did you know that a $20 album purchase earns the same a royalties from 5000 track streams?

These are the hard realities of the music industry today. The economics of being a musician in our streaming age just don't add up. No matter how talented you are, if you are a musician, there is a very high chance that the costs of being a professional musician are higher than the income you can possible generate.

When albums were the primary medium for enjoying music, an artist might invest $5000 to $20,000 in putting together a quality album product, which they could sell to happy fans at shows for $20 each. With that economic model, it took 250 to 1000 albums sold to cover product costs. If an album made a run of 1000 albums, for an album that cost $5000 to $10,000 to make, there was a chance of earning back the money so it could be funneled forward into another recording project. And for an album in this cost range, there was a chance to make a profit once the first 250 to 500 albums were sold.

Today, almost no one buys physical albums, In fact, many people, especially in the younger generations, lack a CD player or mechanism to play a physical album. Ironically, the people most likely to want physical albums are other musicians, who understand the treasure they are holding in their hands.

To take this further the $5000 to $20,000 a musician invests in producing a quality album only includes a long list of recording costs (studio time, sound engineer's time, recoding, editing, mixing, mastering, hiring other musicians to play on the album, writing and making charts for songs on the album, licensing fees for covers, registration of songs/album with Library of Congress, design of album artwork, physical reproduction of CD's and distribution channel costs). A huge, unaccounted for cost is the musician's time.

If I spend 8 hours per week working on the creative part of making an album (writing, arranging, recording, studio time editing with the sound engineer, working on album art concepts) and it takes me one year to complete an album, that means I will have invested 400+ unpaid hours on top of the expenses associated with recording and producing an album--physical or even virtual. That is a lot of unpaid time.

Then there is all the time it takes to market and promote an album. Reaching out to media, venues, reviewers and building relationships over time so that your music is visible takes countless more unpaid hours.

To be a musician today, requires having two full-time jobs: one to earn enough money to take care of yourself and survive so you can be a musician, and one that pays so little it is painful, even though it is who you are: being a musician.

It has never been easy to be a musician. It is just much harder now that it ever has been during the course of my adult life. And the growth of the streaming industry, which has made music and musicians nothing more than a commodity people feel entitled to have for free, has created an impossible economic model for musicians.

If a person works for Whole Foods, they are paid a minimum of $15 per hour, with benefits. If you add up all the hours a musician invests in all facets of their professional career, the return on their investment sadly is almost as minuscule as the payment they get from streaming their music.

Next time you go to a show, support your local musician. Put a $20 bill (not a $1 bill) in their tip jar. And buy their album. If you can play a physical CD, you will enjoy the album concert and all the care that went intro creating the album, something that eludes the streaming listener who picks one song from a playlist. And even if you can't play a physical CD, consider it a work of art you can treasure.

At The Root Of What Matters

English is an interesting language, in which some words have double entendres which are actually inter-related. For example, my colleague Aron Gersh wrote about, when we say "I feel deeply touched inside," the word touched has both an emotional and physical meaning. It may be the way you touch me "outside" on my skin, that reaches my heart, creating a feeling of being emotionally touched. Or if you touch me emotionally, I may be more open to letting you touch me "physically."

The word "matter" is another one of those words. When we say something "matters" to us, we are talking about an emotional meaning. What "matters" is important to us, and occupies space in the heart. And "matter" is also a term relating to objects or forms we find in the physical world. We make jokes about the brain as "gray matter." Or we can look at physical substances through the eyes of a physicist (who will focus on how matter occupies space and possesses mass as distinct from energy).

And to further this line of inquiry, the relationship between what emotionally matters and physical matter is actually quite significant too: what matters to us informs where we need to direct our energy in an actionable way to create what we want in our lives. This includes forms of matter, like house, or cars, or people we want to meet. Bottom line: what matters to us really matters.

When we direct our energy without considering what really matters, we can be creative. But we may not be happy with what we end up creating. Learning how to identify what really matters, and let ourselves accept or embrace what really matters is often an introspective journey which requires guidance and work. Learning what really matters requires learning to listen to the heart, and identify the heart's priorities and values. When we direct our energy in alignment with your heart's priorities and values, we are able to manifest things that we really care about.

When we create things we really care about, we feel our efforts are purposeful and the results are more likely to make us happy. We can create from the soul level up, from the inside out. We create things that fit and resonate and feel right. When we create what we think we "should" create or feel pressured to create by outside forces without consideration for whether it really fits our inner priorities and values, we are more likely to feel stress and pressure, rather than flow and happiness.

The heart has the strongest electromagnetic field in the body, so harnessing this energy and directing it towards a goal that matters, feels powerful and often leaves us feeling empowered. What we create may also benefit other people, and leave them feeling empowered as well.

When we get to "the heart of the matter," we are also getting to the root of what matters. This root anchors our actions. And our actions are anchored in the heart. In essence we become practical physicists, translating energy into matter through our actions. This is where science and spirituality meet, and vision and reality can meet. This is where life can feel magical and fun as well as meaningful and significant.

Being able to get to the heart of the matter, to really know what matters and to take action based on what really matters creates more of what really matters in both our emotional and physical world.

Divine Timing

When I was a little girl, I remember hearing Jiminy Crickett sing the song,"When You Wish Upon A Star" in the movie Pinocchio.

Its lyrics tapped into what I eventually called "living with vision," letting our hearts be a compass to guide us towards our deepest dreams.

"When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you."

Often, when we look into our hearts and see our deepest wishes, we want them to happen immediately. But life doesn't always work that way. Life has a natural rhythm, and while our wishes and desires might not come to us as soon as we want them to, when we really open our hearts to them, they most often do become real in divine timing.

Like a bolt out of the blue.
Fate steps in and see you through.
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true.

This brings in the importance of faith. Faith is a very powerful force. It allows us to keep our heart open to our dreams even when we don't know exactly how or when our dreams will come to be. In this sense, faith is the guardian and keeper of our heartfelt dreams. And faith allows us to let go of the need to control timing, so that we may surrender into the path that diving timing carves out for us.

Faith gives us a spaciousness and a sense of grace, that allows us to be present in the moment, and see what unfolds. This allows us to take right action moment to moment and experience the gift of the journey as well as the gift of arriving at our goal.

Have you ever had the experience of leaving your house a few minutes late to go to a coffeeshop or a supermarket and running into an old friend you had not seen for a while when you arrived? Or have you walked in the door, having thought about someone, only to find a message from them in your e-mail or a text arriving as you open the door? This is divine timing in action. At times when this kind of synchronicity would happen, I would find myself asking, "so what would have happened if I had not left late?" or "did the fact that I was thinking of this person lead to their calling?"

Experiences like these remind us that we are all interconnected. Our thoughts, our feelings, our deepest desires are energy currents, and they communicate, even in ways we cannot grasp with our physical senses. If we can have faith in the universal currents that run through life overall, as well as our own lives, it is easier to embrace and be embraced by divine timing.

I have found that the more deeply I understood the process of living with vision: opening my heart to my deepest dreams and desires, finding strength in the faith that in divine time my vision would become real, and gracefully taking needed steps towards the vision as they become clear, the more peacefully I live.

Experiences of divine timing lead to an understanding that we will really be okay if we stay connected to our hearts and let go of control. It is a truly beautiful and inspiring experience to realize we can ride the energy currents of life, and things will really move forward in ways that matter to us."