tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48940595611636256252024-03-19T04:28:35.448-07:00HealingHeartPowerLindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-47279840131003020062020-01-05T16:33:00.001-08:002020-01-05T16:33:54.737-08:00Singer-Songwriter As Emotional AlchemistOver the past few months as I have been traveled through some incredibly challenging spaces, I have become increasingly aware that as a singer-songwriter, I am an "emotional alchemist."
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Not only does music provide a language to express feelings that go much deeper than words, but also, the process of songwriting, the songwriter can transform pain (and other challenging experiences) into gold.
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Music is a language that reaches from the heart of the songwriter to the heart of the listener. A song can touch the heart of the audience and in doing so, help us recognize our basic humanity and build a bridge that connects us all.
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The process of writing two of my newest songs was very much an alchemical process. On November 1, I woke up with a virus that was going around that literally stole my voice. I was totally mute, which is a horrible way to be as a singer, and an even more troubling place to be with important gigs to play at! In fact I was supposed to play at a wedding on November 1, and had written a special song for the wedding. In my heart, I could not disappoint the bride and groom. But with no voice, what was I going to do? I could not even call them to tell them about my predicament.
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Thank goodness, the prior Thursday, I had recorded the new song, "Our Vow," in the recording studio. So, I could play the piano live and play the studio vocal track at the wedding. I was able to text about my situation, and indeed follow through with live piano and studio vocal track.
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But my voice did not return for many weeks. And as time passed, I found myself despairing. A voiceless singer, who always wants to sing is like a bird with clipped wings. I knew I needed to be on vocal rest. But as a therapist, I have to talk to my clients. I could not be mute and function in my life for an indefinite period of time. Weeks turned into more than a month. And with a compromised voice at the 6 week mark, my violinist expressed her concern. I called the Massachusetts General Voice Clinic and they gave me an appointment on January 3.
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But I still woke up crying in the morning, and found myself crying when I tried to go to sleep at night. It felt like a bit of the chicken and the egg: one the one hand, not having a voice evoked deep grief; on the other hand, I suspected the deep grief was part of what was stealing my voice.
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As I sat with the deep feelings, honoring the tears, and praying for healing, I found myself writing a new song, "The River." The deep emotional crucible of grief and tears were transformed into lyrics, melody and piano arrangement. And within a couple weeks, my voice did finally fully return, just in time to cancel my appointment at the Massachusetts General Voice clinic!
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I have to believe that the alchemical act of writing the song helped me heal. And when songs are sourced from such a deep, genuine, human, heartfelt place, they are guaranteed to touch the heart of the listener.
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"The Gardener," which will be on my 2020 The Piano album, is another product of emotional alchemy. I wrote it on the 5th anniversary of my mother's death. She had Alzheimer's and the song tells her story. I entered "The Gardener" in a songwriting contest, and the judge who provided feedback said s/he could tell this was a real story, and that made a powerful song.
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It is not always emotionally comfortable to be a human being. And perhaps, even more, so, it is not always emotionally comfortable for a songwriter, who visits deeper emotional terrain as a creative artist. But the gift of the songwriter is the ability to transform pain into gold. And for this, I am grateful.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-85990628748648992702019-12-16T20:11:00.001-08:002019-12-16T20:23:22.805-08:00An Invitation to Create Brave Space In Real Time In Our Virtual WorldA member of my monthly Community As Healer group shared a wonderful poem, which beautifully portrays the spirit of how we can create healing in community. It is called "An Invitation to Brave Space" by Micky ScottBey Jones:
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Together we will create brave space
Because there is no such thing as a "safe space"
We exist in the real world
We all carry scars and we have all caused wounds in this space
We seek to turn down the volume of the outside world,
We amplify voices that fight to be heard elsewhere,
We call each other to more truth and love
We have the right to start somewhere and continue to grow
We have the responsibility to examine what we think we know,
We will not be perfect.
It will not always be what we wish it to be
But
It will be our brave space together ,
and
We will work in it side by side...
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In our increasingly virtual world, creating community spaces together is becoming increasingly rare. We may connect online in virtual spaces. But we cannot literally or physically be "side by side" when online. We cannot feel the energy of a group of hearts gathering together. There really is palpable energy when a group of people come together and join their hearts. We cannot look into the eyes of the people with us. We can get some visual cues from an online conference on Skype or a visual platform. But we really cannot make fully present eye to eye contact in the moment...and truly share space with one another in the silence that sometimes unfolds from this kind of presence.
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We certainly cannot reach out to touch another human being. We cannot give literal hugs in cyberspace. And for all the emojis in the world, there are so many more expressions you can read when a real human being is across from you or beside you. There is a special power of gathering in the real world that is very different than gathering in the virtual world.
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As we approach the turn of the new decade I have been reflecting back on how different things are now from the way they were at the turn of the century. In the year 2000, I created so many more "brave spaces" in physical reality. The groups I participated in were real time, in person meetings. People might have been busy and had lots of life commitments, but somehow there was more space for the regular rhythm of in person gatherings. Taking time to be present in person requires a kind of slowing down that is not possible in cyberspace. Being on computers or phones seem to speed everything up. So many texts to answer. So many Facebook posts to view and respond to. So many e-mails to read and write. So much data at our fingertips, always growing, waiting for us. And we can navigate cyberspace so quickly with the touch of a finger, never mind the old school typing of the keyboard.
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I honestly found a kind of perfection in the imperfection of gatherings of real human beings in the here and now. Somehow, creating a safer place to share, together, allowed me to be touched by the vulnerability of my friends or colleagues or even initially strangers...who became less foreign with the passing of face to face time.
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Today I can have a conversation by e-mail, but still not really know the person I am dialoguing with nearly as well as spending time in conversation in person over time. I loved my pen pals as a child. Receiving their letters from parts far away was magical. But it was not the same as actually going to whatever country they lived in (I DID meet one of my pen pals who lived in Manchester, England when I was in my 20's) or having them come to visit me (as a pen pal from Gambia did when I was a teen).
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I suppose we create a kind of brave space together in cyberspace. But, I am sorry, it just does not give me the same peace of heart and mind as gathering together in person. Every time I have the privilege of leading my monthly Community As Healer group, I cherish the continuity of relationship of the long-term group members. I cherish the magical healing that takes place when we join hearts, minds and hands. I cherish hearing each person tell the latest news of their life's journey with their check ins. And I enjoy the physical time ritual of sharing lovely healthy snacks group members bring to share.
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More truth and love can be shared real time. And I really DO love working in brave space side by side. Being a hand on someone's shoulder or having someone literally get my back really feeds my heart.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-86808084872163619472019-11-27T19:02:00.000-08:002019-11-27T19:02:01.899-08:00Fred Rogers' Extraordinary Contribution to Emotional LiteracyWhen I was a child, I remember watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, complete with its magical puppets like Henrietta Pussycat, King Friday the 13th and Daniel the Tiger, and its human characters including Lady Elaine, and Mr. McFeely the Postman, among others.
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I enjoyed the show as a child, but I don't think I recognized how extraordinary it was until I was much older. In a culture that seems to ignore the value of emotional literacy, Fred Rogers was offering one of the few places children and adults could learn about the importance of identifying their feelings and developing healthy emotional habits.
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When "A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood" hit one of my local art house movie theaters, I made it a point to take myself there post haste. I cried my way through the movie, touched by the way Fred Rogers touched people just by being who he was. Fred was not "an act" on tv. Fred's tv persona was no different than the real Fred Rogers you might encounter in life. And Fred had a deep commitment to emotional literacy, ongoing learning and personal growth as a way of life.
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He had a gift for articulating essential truths simply and clearly: "There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind."
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After the movie, I found myself searching the internet to find "words of wisdom" from Fred Rogers. They were abundant. And the collected words I found comprise a wonderful guide to healthy self-care, communication and relationships.
Here are some of my favorite Fred Rogers quotes.
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"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."
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"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider these people my heroes."
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"When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way."
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"At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."
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"When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."
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"Love is life infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're 'equally infinite.' Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is too."
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"All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors--in our own way, each one of us is a giver and receiver."
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"I don't think anyone can grow unless he's loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be."
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Fred Rogers' wisdom made him the consummate therapist, a true spiritual teacher, and a kind of Buddha-like human being. The fact that he was a very human human being, who could acknowledge he was not perfect and that life was a continuous journey of learning, healing and growing, made his wisdom all the more accessible and impactful. As I write the evening before Thanksgiving Day, I am counting my blessings for the work and gifts of Fred Rogers.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-6186942220543553512019-10-27T19:57:00.000-07:002019-10-27T19:57:07.202-07:00Music And Mental HealthAs I prepared my set list to perform at a benefit concert for Tunefoolery this past Saturday, I found myself reflecting on the connection between music and mental health. My own two deepest life passions have been healing and music. And my experience is that both are sourced from the same creative well inside. Music and healing both are sourced from the heart, and both nourish and express our deeper, often non-verbal or voiceless parts in life affirming ways.
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Being involved in organizations that integrate music and healing, whether it be performing at a benefit, singing with the Boston Minstrels at prisons, homeless shelters or VA hospitals, or singing as a singer-songwriter in mental health settings, assisted living facilities has always left me feeling emotionally and spiritually richer.
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I found myself journaling about why music fosters mental health:
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<b>Music helps us find each of us find our voice.</b> Voice is the expression of the soul. Voice is a sense of who we are and what we bring to the world. Voice helps us define our sense of self and show up in the world.
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<b>Music helps us express what is deeper than words.</b> Much of our core humanity is experienced deeper than words. It is experienced in what we feel emotionally and somatically. It is experienced in felt sense, impulse, a momentary touch or glance. Music is a way to translate the non-verbal, with words and with melody, chords and sound.
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<b>Music touches the heart. </b> Our world is not very emotionally safe. We need to defend and protect our hearts to keep safe. Behind our walls of protection, we may be safe at one level, but numb or alone. Music safely finds a way to reach through protective walls or defenses to reach the heart.
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<b>Music opens the heart.</b> As the heart is touched by music, it often opens. Tears flow. Joy radiates. Anger may be safely felt. Vulnerability can also be safely felt. In these ways, music gives us the gift of emotional aliveness.
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<b>Music helps us feel connected and no alone.</b> The stories expressed in songs are often our stories. Stories of love. Stories of loss. Lessons learned. Relationships with mothers and fathers and daughters and sons and friends and lovers. We recognize our own relationships, experiences and journeys and feel our interconnection.
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<b>Music bridges all divides. </b> Music is not just words and notes. It is a vibration. It is energy. Is it emotion. And the notes, words, vibration, and energy reach through walls, across divides, and even beyond differences of culture and language.
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<b>Music is love energy in sound.</b> The vibration and energy of music is love. Like Stevie Wonder writing music "in the key of life." Music from the heart reaches the heart. The heart recognizes the energy of love.
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<b>Music helps us feel and release what is locked up inside.</b> What is locked up inside us is often at the root of what gets labelled as "mental illness." Anxiety. Depression. Trauma. Fear, pain, sadness, anger, aloneness all get locked inside us. It our spirit is weighted down. We numb. We freeze. We dissociate. If our feelings are locked up, we don't know how to find the key to release them...until music gives us that key.
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<b>Music touches the core of our humanity</b>. I can not tell you how deeply I have been touched as I hear the talent and the heart of people who share their voice in song in prisons, in homeless shelters, in hospitals. People who feel lost and invisible command center stage. I have found my tears flowing freely, and shared tears with others also deeply touched.
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Feeling our feelings. Speaking our truth. Compassionately holding one another in our pain, our anger, our struggles, our hopes and dreams heals emotional and spiritual wounding. It also empowers vision and connection. Music not only supports mental health and healing. It supports and encourages our fundamental vitality and aliveness.
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-79479828545957174292019-09-28T20:24:00.001-07:002019-09-28T20:24:50.056-07:00Living On Purpose and SynchronicitiesSynchronicities can feel like magical gifts: you think of a friend and then they call or text you...you cross the path of a stranger in a grocery story and it turns out they work in a company you've been wanting to network your way into...you attend an event and it turns out the person sitting next to you turns out to be someone who knows a friend of yours that you haven't seen in a long timed and wanted to reconnect with...
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Synchronicities could be called "being in the right place at the right time." And they can also be taken as demonstrations that everything in life is interconnected. There really are six degrees of separation, or perhaps fewer. And when we focus on something that really matters, even if it is subconsciously, life moves to support what really matters in its own timeframe.
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Some people consider them random and call them "coincidences." But I have found that they are not quite as random as we might think if we find ourselves connected to a thread of purpose driving our lives. As we grow a connection to our spiritual core--becoming clearer and clearer who we are at a very fundamental level, what really matters, and what living from what really matters means, our lives become more purpose driven. And the thread of personal purpose directs us to take actions that align with our spiritual core. These actions lead to meeting people, being in places and having experiences that are more likely to help us live into what really matters, what we feel in our hearts, and ways we want to bring deeper meaning and service into our lives.
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I remember a refrigerator quote when I was in my 20's from Goethe whose message was that if you act from a place of purpose or divine guidance, life will move with you and support you. When you think about it, if you are trying to live a meaningful, spiritually driven, grounded life, and you are trying to make a positive difference through your words and actions, why wouldn't life support you?
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Life will throw us all curveballs along the way. No one is imagine from difficult times or challenges. And enough trauma or big enough trauma can certainly feel spiritually crushing, and may be truly isolating to the point we question is we still have a spiritual foundation. But often the spiritual core of our human beingness is still deep enough and strong enough to help us prevail.
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I think of the boys' soccer team that got trapped in the cave in Thailand a year or two back. The boys' coach had a very strong spiritual core and engaged in a meditation practice. By sharing this meditation practice and his spiritual strength with the boys, together, they managed to survive grueling conditions. And miraculously, the team of divers that braved life threatening conditions to find them, DID find them. And all of the boys and their coach were successfully rescued in a miraculous way. When the news of the rescue was in the news, I was not at all surprised.
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Even when David Ortiz was shot, something I have written about both in words and in music, I had a feeling that there would be divine intervention to help him stay alive. David has an extraordinarily deep and big heart. And he is someone who has also struck me as a deeply spiritual human being. That a man near him in the nightclub has been shot himself, and recognized the urgency of getting David to a medical clinic within minutes of the shooting was an incredibly synchronicity. It saved his life.
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The song "From A Distance," talks about God watching us and looking out for us, which may be harder to relate to for people who do not consider themselves religious. Yet, whether religious or not, when one goes deeper, it is hard NOT to notice or crave a connection with some sort of spiritual life force. Having a purposeful life is important to many if not most people, because purpose gives life meaning. Living a meaningful life brings happiness. Lack of meaning eats at the spirit and at our healthy.
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Whatever our method and whatever our journey, as a sense of personal purpose gets clearer, it is easier to believe that God is watching us and choreographing much of what will unfold in our lives. And call it universal energy if you like, but this kind of spiritual dimension is at the heart of synchronicities. When I find myself having a series of synchronicities, including in unexpected places and ways, I take it as a sign that I am moving in the right direction.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-63470603475814024262019-08-27T20:39:00.000-07:002019-08-27T20:39:00.281-07:00Finding Your Center in the Eye of the StormHave you ever had a time in your life when seemingly everything deconstructed at once? Losses, deaths, unexpected changes on personal and professional fronts, one after another. No room for breathing space. Or perhaps, if we move from the personal to the global, is the unrelenting news about gun violence, fires in the Amazon, the palpable effects of climate change, the opioid epidemic, the political climate in the country and the behavior or those in positions of power too often overwhelming?
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It seems too easy to find yourself in the eye of the storm. And this past month, I have truly experienced a life tornado challenging me to find and keep my center over and over again.
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What can we do to stay sane, grounded and whole in the face of life's tornado forces?
Read on.
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<b>1. Create a daily meditation practice for grounding.</b> Before I start each day, and often before I wind down for bed, I take some space to meditate and go inside to give room for my deeper feelings, relax my mind, and connect with the still silent place inside from which my inner guidance arises. There are many ways to meditate, and sitting on a cushion with your legs crossed is just one of them. Lying in my bed for 15 - 30 minutes after I have first woken up provides a natural meditative space. Going inward as I exercise on the cross trainer at the gym gives me another meditative opportunity and space. Sitting outside while the weather is still nice and closing your eyes can provide another meditative environment. Taking a walk. Cooking mindfully. Find what works for you and incorporate it into your day.
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<b>2. Check in with your body and heart as you go through your day.</b> It is too easy to get on a timeline and proceed methodically from one appointment to another without taking time out to tune in. If you are under high stress, even a 5 minute time out to close your eyes and take some deep breathes can create more spaciousness and grounding. Your body and heart most always have messages to give you about what pace to go at, what is most important and what you need for self-care, if you take the time to listen.
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<b>3. Be gentle and compassionate with your overwhelmed parts.</b> When I get overwhelmed, I might have one of several responses. I might go numb because there is just plain too much for me to emotionally process. I might feel really sad, because something just crossed a line and I can no longer contain myself. I might get angry because I feel like I have lost the very inner peace I work so hard to cultivate and maintain. I don't like lose my grounding. I don't like feeling over my limit. But no matter how hard I work at self-care, I am human and sometimes too many pieces stack all at once. If I can bring compassion to my overwhelmed self, there is more space for my humanity--and yours.
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<b>4. Find a way to express your overwhelm, including feelings of sadness, anger and numbness.</b> If I can find words to express what I am feeling, I can come back to my center. Sometimes I need to talk to someone I trust. Other times my journal or even typing into my computer is enough. Physical movement might be necessary. Or even writing or listening to a song. Painting or drawing might be an expressive pathway. Learn what expressive pathways work for you and them utilize them regularly!
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<b>5. If everything feels like just too much, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel the too muchness.</b> Today, after a period of great stress and unexpected and unwelcome changes in many life arenas all at once, I hit a breaking point. Something happened that blew open the container of inner spaciousness I work so hard to maintain. And emotionally, I "lost it." My heart, spirit and mind all said, "I can't take anymore. This is all too much." I felt alone, my head spinning from the litany of "punches" my heart and spirit had absorbed in rapid succession, without the time and space I needed to seek support and process them. What had happened was just too much--internally and externally. But I could still be kind to myself. And I very much needed to step away, slow down, cry and feel the too muchness.
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<b>6. Learn when to reach out for connection and when to go deeper inside for grounding.</b> If I reach out when I really need to go inside or if I go inside when I really need to reach out, I will not feel better, supported or more grounded. Being able to reach inside and reach out are both important skills. And the wisdom to know which one will be most supportive at any point in time takes time to develop.
<p>7. Pray for things to get better. I do believe that if I hit a limit and reach out spiritually and ask for things to get better, it makes a difference. How and where we direct our consciousness and our heart energy, in time, DOES make things better. There will always be the things we can't control (like random mass shootings or corruption in government), but our self-care is something we can become more and more skilled at.
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Self-care, emotional and spiritual grounding, self-expression and seeking support are all critical behaviors in ordinary life, but when we need to find our center in the eye of the storm, they are anchors, and life preservers.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-46991231933079968872019-06-27T20:22:00.000-07:002019-06-27T20:22:12.070-07:00Building Community Through Music and ArtBuilding community through music and art has been a commitment of mine since I was in my early 20's. As a 21 year old in Boston attending graduate school in organizational development at MIT, I was also deeply engaged in my first professional music career. I founded an artists-alliance group called <b>The Boston Arts Roundtable</b>, which met to discuss our process as musicians and artists in my living room in Arlington, MA, as well as collaborating on multi-media concerts in Eastern MA.
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When I lived in Shrewsbury after graduate school, I would have <b>informal salons</b> at my house, where friends shared music, art and community. It was fun introducing people who circulated in different communities to others they would never had met had we not gathered in these salons. When I moved to Waltham 4 1/2 years ago, creating an intimate house concert series, the Music Salon, was a vision and motivation to get the house I actually chose to live in. Each month we build community through music and art, and my house happily stewards this spirit even in the days in between salons.
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Co-founding the <b>Women In Music Gathering,</b> also an artist-alliance group, with Cindy D'Adamo and Colette O'Connor came from the same inspired seed. Gathering women musicians together bimonthly for a potluck lunch, sharing about our personal and professional journeys and a song share, complemented by collaborative concerts seemed like a natural and needed initiative.
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All of these initiatives were and are local. The ability to gather face to face regularly over time, and present programs together in local venues is rich and meaningful. When I was fortunate enough to learn about <b>LadyLake Music</b> and its magical and inspired founder, Cindy D'Adamo, there was a natural fit not only professionally but also spiritually.
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I have gratefully been a LadyLake Artist for about 1 1/2 years, and was amazed that primarily through social media, I could be part of a vital and growing network of people who were on a similar wavelength spiritually as well as professionally. But Cindy D'Adamo has a wonderful way of screening musicians for their values, work ethic and vibration as well as their talent. So, the people she brings together as the LadyLake community and family are warm, dedicated and really enjoyable people.
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After communicating through all possible virtual platforms, but not yet in person, it was such a special experience for Cindy to come to Boston from Cape Coral, FL for our LadyLake Boston Showcase at City Winery. Texas LadyLake artist Dave Martinez also came to town, and it was no surprise what a warm and delighted human being he is in addition to being a fabulous performer.
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Cindy really understands what it means to build community through music and art, but even more importantly, knows how to screen people even through social media, to find people truly on the same wavelength. Cindy seeks givers, not just takers, visionaries who are also implementers, and people who recognize that when we work together and support each other, we all fly higher and go farther.
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In my coaching and body psychotherapist, an image I have used with clients for years is that of a lighthouse. The more grounded we become, the clearer we are about who we are, and why we are here (our purpose), the clearer the signal we radiate into the world from the core of our being. This signal or the frequency we transmit is like the beam of a lighthouse. And people we have not yet met are looking to see this signal or feel this beam, in order to be drawn towards to the people and experiences they need to move forward along their personal pathways.
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To trust that putting out an authentic signal will bring us people on our wavelength--both people we need to meet and people who need to meet us, for the higher good of all, is at the root of this lighthouse image. After spending time with Cindy, it is wonderful watching her implement this very model at a national and global level.
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The lighthouse model allows social media and our internet world to have a human touch reach through it. All possible platforms of interaction become places the lighthouse beam can shine and others can recognize the frequency in order to make meaningful connections. The connections can lead to local or regional face to face community and a larger national or global alliance which can be translated into face to face for special projects.
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The LadyLake Boston Showcase was the beginning of this kind of translation, where some long distance alliances could come together to perform on the same stage in Boston. The possibility for more events of this kind, not only in Boston, but in other cities, is exciting and a natural follow on.
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When community gathers, connection can happen and grow. And in the energy field of this growing community connection, all kinds of good things are possible. This kind of collaborative support community is so deeply needed and a true antidote to some of the scary, inhumane and toxic things happening in this country and our larger world.
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I hope more and more people hear the call for this kind of collaborative community, and respond to this lighthouse beam. Music is the soul's language which brings us together and connects us heart to heart. These kinds of connections feel our soul, and help us stay grounded both in our vision and our humanity. I truly pray that our joint efforts "light up the love" as my friend Jerry Meunier, founder of Light Up the Love (tm) says. So many individual people and the world as a whole needs this now!Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-25988041013458131952019-05-27T20:13:00.000-07:002019-05-27T20:13:33.841-07:00A Humbling Last MonthThere is the saying, <i>"when you have your health, you have everything."</i> The converse is, <i>"if you don't have your health, you don't have much at all."</i>
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As someone who has devoted a large amount of my time, energy and consciousness to taking really good care of myself and living a healthy lifestyle, this past month has been quite out of the ordinary. It has also shown me that even taking the best care of ourselves we can, does not make us immune to the currents of life. Stuff can happen, and it can be a real surprise.
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Being self-employed as a body psychotherapist and a professional musician, I am aware how much energy I invest on a daily basis in creating both the structure and the content of my life. I am grateful that I have enjoyed the gift of high energy and good health, and that these qualities have allowed me to live both a connected and productive life.
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But all that can change in the blink of an eye. On May 7, I went into a clinic for a surgical procedure, that required slowing down a bit, which I was prepared to do. The big surprise was a systemic viral infection that started out as chills on the evening of May 9, preventing my sleep, and leading to a very unexpected pathway of one health challenge after another, ultimately landing me horizontal for a week and a half. I had to cancel several gigs and postpone a Music Salon, things I do not do lightly.
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Chills led to fever and zero energy. I went to my office on June 10, and by mid-morning, found myself needing to lie down on my own therapy couch. I called my doctor's office, trying to discern whether my state of fever and fatigue was related to the surgery or a virus I picked up at the clinic. It took until the end of the day to make complete contact with the doctor's office, but their verdict was that I had picked something up at the clinic, and unless my fever (which was 100 degrees) increased to 101 degrees, to go home and rest. Going home, usually a routine activity requiring little thought or energy, that day felt like a Herculean task. It took me four hours to find the energy to get off the couch, take my dog, and drive myself home.
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Mother's Day weekend was a horizontal one for me. Zero energy. Zero appetite. I needed help walking my dog. One day of resting and trying to force myself to hydrate led to another day of resting and trying to force myself to hydrate. And as the fever started to leave, I found myself developing what turned out to be double conjunctivitis and a sore throat.
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In our current medical maze, everything is compartmentalized. So, the doctor who was my liaison for surgery was different than the PCP I needed to contact about double conjunctivitis and a sore throat. After a day of chasing medical personnel about my latest symptom developments, I called back first thing Tuesday morning to get an appointment with the PCP's office to have my eyes and throat checked out.
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The doctor concluded that my double conjunctivitis was likely viral, but we decided to treat it with eye cream anyhow. My throat tested negative for strep. So, throat lozenges, rest and hydration were what I could do. Low energy continued. As life's choreography often has it, a number of my clients cancelled or rescheduled, leaving me more time to rest and heal.
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I realized after three days of the eye ointment, that I was having an allergic itchy reaction, and I needed to stop using it. The doctor's office confirmed my symptoms were that of an allergy and agreed with my decision to stop using the eye ointment. Since the double conjunctivitis was viral, it was starting to recede medicine or no medicine.
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As the second week started to drag on, it became clear that I could neither do week of show promotion for nor hosting for my monthly Music Salon. And my voice had faded to laryngitis, putting into question my ability to perform at a cabaret showcase involving 7 singers that I was both producing and singing in. I rested and pushed myself through it. I did not want to let anyone else down. And when all was said and done, I was exhausted, and went home to rest.
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The sore throat gave way to a bad cough, which led to bleeding from the area where the surgery took place. And low energy was continuing. Having already slowed down and reduced physical activity (my beloved daily gym ritual and weekly personal training sessions were shelved until I was more healed), the message seemed to be to slow down even more. As I reached out to the doctor yet again, the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, I was beginning to wonder when I would get to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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When I spoke with the doctor's office the Friday before Memorial Day weekend, the message was to take it easy and if the bleeding did not stop, to go to the doctor's office on Tuesday morning. As I write this, my plan is to go in to the doctor's office on Tuesday morning for more help.
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In this period of reduced activity, increased resting and just being in the moment, I have become profoundly aware of how hard I work and have worked for a long, long time. I have become aware of how much energy it takes to keep creating and producing and making things happen both in my own life and for other people. I have become profoundly aware of the consequences of working really hard in the current state of the music world, where so much is virtual, so many talented people are performing as singer-songwriters, there is so little money available for investing time, energy, work, money, heart and soul in ones craft.
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When I went in to the Whole Foods near my office earlier this week, I crossed paths with another singer-songwriter who works as a cashier at the store. I asked him how things were going with the single he had just released. "I don't really know," he responded. "It's like a work so hard, and then feel invisible, as though all my work and my music is just dumped into a big black whole." Somehow, having gone through my humbling, low activity past couple of weeks, I felt very much the way he did. I told him, "I understand. I feel that way too." Perhaps the camaraderie made his day.
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In our social media society, an unspoken pressure to always present what we are achieving and producing and how we are succeeding and doing great hangs over my head and the heads of many others I know. New and exciting sound bites must be produced regularly and rapidly in order to stay visible and relevant. Some people post about their personal struggles and health struggles. But the line between oversharing and bravely speaking from the heart in ways that engender empathy are not always well-defined. Although being a self-employed, self-generating creative requires me to put a lot out into the world, as an introvert (who has worked hard to become an ambivert), when I am having my own struggles, I am more comfortable keeping them private.
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Having two going on three weeks of health challenges, requiring cancelling life as intended or life as planned here and there, and not having the energy to generate all the sound bites required to be relevant leave my heart sad and my soul questioning. What seems necessary does not always seem worth it.
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As my energy returns, and hopefully, the string of health challenges eventually winds all the way down, I am left asking questions about how much I want to do, generate and produce. What can make it easier? What can make my investments generate a more gratifying reward or outcome? What does one do about being lost in the black hole of cyberspace as a creative artist and as a person? I don't have answers. But I trust continuing to sit with the questions will ultimately be fruitful.
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I do not mean to be dark or self-indulgent in writing this blog post. It is real. And right now, though I try to focus on what I have to be grateful for, real is a bit more dark gray.
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-8570380321260634692019-04-29T21:26:00.000-07:002019-04-29T21:26:07.846-07:00Why Teardowns Hurt Us<i>"Well they're tearing down the 1950's house I used to live in
And building two big houses on the lot
And the old town square's transforming and the buildings are five stories
I guess commercial development is hot...."</i>
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<i>--from "Enough" by Linda Marks</i>
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I wrote the song "Enough" (which was released in November 2018 in anticipation of my 2019 <i>In Grace</i> album) in response to the teardown epidemic which is running rampant in Newton, Waltham and many other cities in the greater Boston area. The Newtonville house I practice therapy in located in "teardown central." Just down the street from my house, the Orr Block featured mom and pop businesses so many of us loved, before a commercial developer took over several literal blocks in the town center for a huge teardown project.
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Instead of picturesque old buildings with first floor storefronts and a second floor with offices, a gigantic 5 story complex is being constructed. The mom and pop businesses were either forced out of business or displaced. And the cost of both retail and residential space in the new complex, once completed, will be many times the cost in the old buildings.
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I was invited to share "Enough" at a meeting of the Ward 6 Democratic Committee in Newton last week, and what I learned about the costs of teardowns both deeply saddened me and sent my head and heart spinning in a kind of psychospiritual crisis.
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The costs of the teardown epidemic include:
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1. Displacement of current residents
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2. Environmental costs of a larger construction footprint
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3. A breakdown in the fabric of the existing community
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4. Affordability challenges for seniors in the community
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Let me address each of these costs:
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<b>DISPLACEMENT OF CURRENT RESIDENTS</b>
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When people sell their homes to developers, rather than families, the cost of housing in a community is driven up. Developers generally use the formula of 2.5 to 1. This means if they purchase a modest home for $500K, after tearing it down and building a larger home, they plan to sell it for $1.25 million. The kind of person who can afford a $500K home and the kind of person who can afford a $1.25 million home is very different.
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Teachers, police officers and firemen who wish to live in the town they work in, human service workers and many other middle class residents cannot afford to purchase another property in a city that is tearing down modest homes and replacing them with much bigger and more expensive homes. This results in displacing middle class residents, who must move to other cities with more affordable housing prices.
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<b>ENVIRONMENTAL COSTS OF A LARGER CONSTRUCTION FOOTPRINT</b>
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While developers sell teardowns as a way to use more environmentally efficient technologies, the reality is that the new properties are actually costly to the environment in many ways:
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1. It takes resources to tear down the old property and dispose of the refuse.
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2. Even if there is a more environmentally efficient way to heat a new property, the fact that it is 2.5 to 3 times larger than the more modest property means that it takes much more energy to heat the new property.
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3. If takes a lot of energy and environmental resources to make the construction materials used in the new larger home.
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4. The new larger home will hold lots of "stuff" (including furniture, fixtures, rugs, other possessions), and it takes energy and resources to make all this "stuff."
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When you add up all of these "hidden costs," the reality is that the new larger structure is far more taxing on the environment than the older smaller structure.
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<b>A BREAKDOWN IN THE FABRIC OF THE COMMUNITY</b>
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A community may have been known for its neighborhoods, including relationships amongst the people who live in the neighborhoods. When developers tear down modest or older homes and build new, larger houses in their place, the people who have comprised the neighborhood, are forced to leave. They can't afford the new homes. And they may want to downsize rather than upsize.
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The density of the neighborhood can change if two large houses are built on a lot that once hosted one smaller house.
Many of the new properties feature fences, where before there was open space. Fences suggest privacy and "keep away". messages to others in the neighborhood. A city councilor at the meeting I attended noted that many of the newer residents did not really care about the interests of the displaced people in the neighborhood. They were more focused on their own individual lives, with more investment in their own new home than in the history of the neighborhood.
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In order to earn the money it takes to buy the expensive new houses, the new residents to the neighborhood very likely need to work long hours at high paying jobs. Even if families move in, the way of life of these contemporary families may be very different than the way of life the families in the pre-teardown neighborhood lived.
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<b>AFFORDABILITY CHALLENGES FOR SENIORS IN THE COMMUNITY</b>
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I was quite struck by the comments of an 82 year-old man at the meeting I attended. He was living in the house he was born in, having been away for a couple of decades and having returned. As property taxes were climbing, staying in his house was becoming more difficult. Living on a fixed income, there is not the budget space to absorb increasing property taxes and other related costs of home ownership. And yet, if this man were to sell his home, he would not be able to afford a smaller space in the community. Smaller residences are hard to find, and very highly priced. New construction of smaller residences such as condos are premium priced.
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Even "affordable housing" that may be included in some of the new big construction projects, is costly. And the other residents must subside the costs with their already high rents. Too, the mix of people in these large new construction complexes may not offer the lifestyle that seniors seek if they wish to downsize.
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In the face of all these issues, many seniors feel trapped in their longstanding residences, with increasing costs squeezing them, but nowhere else to go.
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I was also struck at how easily pieces of a town's history could be torn down and forgotten. In Newton, the majority of the housing stock was built before the year 2000. And much of it is historical and beautiful. A lot is lost when these homes are torn down. Lots that once included lovely yards and gardens are turned into multi-dwelling structures with high rise homes. Yards are minimal. Sight lines are more limited. Older architectural styles can become extinct.
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As more larger structures occupy a fixed amount of land, more people and cars crowd sidewalks and roads. A suburb starts to have a more citified feel. And this is not always good.
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The teardown epidemic is very sneaky yet pervasive. In a matter of years, it is possible that all modest homes could be destroyed and replaced. The image of the frogs in a pot of boiling water very much comes to mind.
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We need to realize we are in the pot of boiling water, and work together to see if there are ways we can get out before we boil to death. The same goes for the environment and the fabric of our communities. Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-16095536519279446542019-03-31T20:01:00.000-07:002019-03-31T20:02:01.106-07:00Why Streaming Hurts Musicians<I>Imagine that you worked at a job you really loved, that expressed your heart and soul, but was virtually impossible to make a livable wage at...</I>
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Pay for this line of work has not only not kept up with inflation over the past 20+ years, but also and even more so, has actually paid less over time, not more. While it was difficult to make a living in this field 20 years ago, it is even harder to do so right now.
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It is a profession where people ask you to work for free all the time, telling you they are glad to give you exposure...And it is a profession where there is no reimbursement for travel time or costs, no sick time or vacation time, no reimbursement for hours of preparation, rehearsing and marketing, and little understanding by the public what a reasonable contribution for services might be. Worse of all, the growing online access to products has made production costs impossible to recoup, never mind making a profit.
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If you are a professional musician, all of the above is what you face. And to the average listener, it is all invisible. They simply want to enjoy your music, with little or not awareness or even care about how the music industry today impacts you.
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<i>Did you know that buying one album from a musician provides more income than 200 hours of streaming?</I>
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<i>Did you know that a $20 album purchase earns the same a royalties from 5000 track streams?</I>
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These are the hard realities of the music industry today. The economics of being a musician in our streaming age just don't add up. No matter how talented you are, if you are a musician, there is a very high chance that the costs of being a professional musician are higher than the income you can possible generate.
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When albums were the primary medium for enjoying music, an artist might invest $5000 to $20,000 in putting together a quality album product, which they could sell to happy fans at shows for $20 each. With that economic model, it took 250 to 1000 albums sold to cover product costs. If an album made a run of 1000 albums, for an album that cost $5000 to $10,000 to make, there was a chance of earning back the money so it could be funneled forward into another recording project. And for an album in this cost range, there was a chance to make a profit once the first 250 to 500 albums were sold.
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Today, almost no one buys physical albums, In fact, many people, especially in the younger generations, lack a CD player or mechanism to play a physical album. Ironically, the people most likely to want physical albums are other musicians, who understand the treasure they are holding in their hands.
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To take this further the $5000 to $20,000 a musician invests in producing a quality album only includes a long list of recording costs (studio time, sound engineer's time, recoding, editing, mixing, mastering, hiring other musicians to play on the album, writing and making charts for songs on the album, licensing fees for covers, registration of songs/album with Library of Congress, design of album artwork, physical reproduction of CD's and distribution channel costs). A huge, unaccounted for cost is the musician's time.
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If I spend 8 hours per week working on the creative part of making an album (writing, arranging, recording, studio time editing with the sound engineer, working on album art concepts) and it takes me one year to complete an album, that means I will have invested 400+ unpaid hours on top of the expenses associated with recording and producing an album--physical or even virtual. That is a lot of unpaid time.
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Then there is all the time it takes to market and promote an album. Reaching out to media, venues, reviewers and building relationships over time so that your music is visible takes countless more unpaid hours.
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To be a musician today, requires having two full-time jobs: one to earn enough money to take care of yourself and survive so you can be a musician, and one that pays so little it is painful, even though it is who you are: being a musician.
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It has never been easy to be a musician. It is just much harder now that it ever has been during the course of my adult life. And the growth of the streaming industry, which has made music and musicians nothing more than a commodity people feel entitled to have for free, has created an impossible economic model for musicians.
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If a person works for Whole Foods, they are paid a minimum of $15 per hour, with benefits. If you add up all the hours a musician invests in all facets of their professional career, the return on their investment sadly is almost as minuscule as the payment they get from streaming their music.
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Next time you go to a show, support your local musician. Put a $20 bill (not a $1 bill) in their tip jar. And buy their album. If you can play a physical CD, you will enjoy the album concert and all the care that went intro creating the album, something that eludes the streaming listener who picks one song from a playlist. And even if you can't play a physical CD, consider it a work of art you can treasure.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-63077047513716019082019-02-26T19:23:00.002-08:002019-02-26T19:23:55.803-08:00At The Root Of What MattersEnglish is an interesting language, in which some words have double entendres which are actually inter-related. For example, my colleague Aron Gersh wrote about, when we say "I feel <i>deeply touched inside</i>," the word touched has both an emotional and physical meaning. It may be the way you touch me "outside" on my skin, that reaches my heart, creating a feeling of being emotionally touched. Or if you touch me emotionally, I may be more open to letting you touch me "physically."
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The word "<i>matter</i>" is another one of those words. When we say something "matters" to us, we are talking about an <i>emotional meaning</i>. What "matters" is important to us, and occupies space in the heart. And "matter" is also a term relating to objects or forms we find in the <i>physical world</i>. We make jokes about the brain as "gray matter." Or we can look at physical substances through the eyes of a physicist (who will focus on how matter occupies space and possesses mass as distinct from energy).
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And to further this line of inquiry, the relationship between what emotionally matters and physical matter is actually quite significant too: what matters to us informs where we need to direct our energy in an actionable way to create what we want in our lives. This includes forms of matter, like house, or cars, or people we want to meet. <b><i>Bottom line</i>: what matters to us really matters.</b>
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When we direct our energy without considering what really matters, we can be creative. But we may not be happy with what we end up creating. Learning how to identify what really matters, and let ourselves accept or embrace what really matters is often an introspective journey which requires guidance and work. Learning what really matters requires learning to listen to the heart, and identify the heart's priorities and values. When we direct our energy in alignment with your heart's priorities and values, we are able to manifest things that we really care about.
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When we create things we really care about, we feel our efforts are purposeful and the results are more likely to make us happy. We can create from the soul level up, from the inside out. We create things that fit and resonate and feel right.
When we create what we think we "should" create or feel pressured to create by outside forces without consideration for whether it really fits our inner priorities and values, we are more likely to feel stress and pressure, rather than flow and happiness.
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The heart has the strongest electromagnetic field in the body, so harnessing this energy and directing it towards a goal that matters, feels powerful and often leaves us feeling empowered. What we create may also benefit other people, and leave them feeling empowered as well.
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When we get to "the heart of the matter," we are also getting to the root of what matters. This root anchors our actions. And our actions are anchored in the heart. In essence we become practical physicists, translating energy into matter through our actions. This is where science and spirituality meet, and vision and reality can meet. This is where life can feel magical and fun as well as meaningful and significant.
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Being able to get to the heart of the matter, to really know what matters and to take action based on what really matters creates more of what really matters in both our emotional and physical world.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-10605272050538187482019-01-27T18:03:00.000-08:002019-01-27T18:03:18.357-08:00Divine Timing<p>When I was a little girl, I remember hearing Jiminy Crickett sing the song,"When You Wish Upon A Star" in the movie Pinocchio.
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<p>Its lyrics tapped into what I eventually called "living with vision," letting our hearts be a compass to guide us towards our deepest dreams.
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<p><i>"When you wish upon a star</I>
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<i>Makes no difference who you are</I>
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<i>Anything your heart desires will come to you."</I>
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<p>Often, when we look into our hearts and see our deepest wishes, we want them to happen immediately. But life doesn't always work that way. Life has a natural rhythm, and while our wishes and desires might not come to us as soon as we want them to, when we really open our hearts to them, they most often do become real in <b>divine timing</b>.</p>
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<i>Like a bolt out of the blue.</i>
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<i>Fate steps in and see you through.</i>
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<i>When you wish upon a star</i>
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<i>Your dreams come true.</I></p>
<p>This brings in the importance of faith. Faith is a very powerful force. It allows us to keep our heart open to our dreams even when we don't know exactly how or when our dreams will come to be. In this sense, faith is the guardian and keeper of our heartfelt dreams. And faith allows us to let go of the need to control timing, so that we may surrender into the path that diving timing carves out for us.</p>
<p>Faith gives us a spaciousness and a sense of grace, that allows us to be present in the moment, and see what unfolds. This allows us to take right action moment to moment and experience the gift of the journey as well as the gift of arriving at our goal.</p>
<p>Have you ever had the experience of leaving your house a few minutes late to go to a coffeeshop or a supermarket and running into an old friend you had not seen for a while when you arrived? Or have you walked in the door, having thought about someone, only to find a message from them in your e-mail or a text arriving as you open the door? This is divine timing in action. At times when this kind of synchronicity would happen, I would find myself asking, "so what would have happened if I had not left late?" or "did the fact that I was thinking of this person lead to their calling?"</p>
<p>Experiences like these remind us that we are all interconnected. Our thoughts, our feelings, our deepest desires are energy currents, and they communicate, even in ways we cannot grasp with our physical senses. If we can have faith in the universal currents that run through life overall, as well as our own lives, it is easier to embrace and be embraced by divine timing.</p>
<p>I have found that the more deeply I understood the process of living with vision: opening my heart to my deepest dreams and desires, finding strength in the faith that in divine time my vision would become real, and gracefully taking needed steps towards the vision as they become clear, the more peacefully I live.</p>
<p>Experiences of divine timing lead to an understanding that we will really be okay if we stay connected to our hearts and let go of control. It is a truly beautiful and inspiring experience to realize we can ride the energy currents of life, and things will really move forward in ways that matter to us."</p>
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-7442367911046584552018-12-25T16:27:00.002-08:002018-12-25T16:35:22.202-08:00At the Heart of the Money MatterMoney is the commonly accepted measure of material value, but what does it really mean to us? That is a question I explored in an article I wrote for a British psychology magazine 30 years ago, "Money Is A Mirror: How Much Is Enough?"
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Do you know anyone that is totally comfortable with their relationship with money? Money is one of our culture's most emotionally loaded concepts: it is a metaphor for all our worst fears, our highest expectations and those parts of our lives we can and cannot control. Wealthy, poor or making ends meet, rarely is anyone satisfied with their financial position.
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Many people spend years trying to come to peace with money and that peace is hard to come by. In a culture obsessed with money, most of us don't have an answer to the question "how much is enough?" Some of the reasons it is so hard to answer this questions are:
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1. Many of us don't know what matters most to us at the heart of the matter. What makes you happy? What brings you joy and contentment? We are bombarded with marketing messages telling us what we should have and all the new products and services that are "out there." One small problem: what we think we SHOULD have, may not be what makes us happy.
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2. "Enoughness" follows from living purposefully. Many of us struggle with what brings us meaning and purpose. If we do what others tell us or define ourselves from the outside in rather than the inside out, both purpose and "enoughness" are hard to find.
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3. Defining enough requires both a spiritual grounding to identify what really matters and the ability to translate the actual cost of what matters into financial terms.
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Psychologically and culturally, we have projected onto money our most basic needs, our deepest fears and elusive things we hunger for. This is what I. mean when I say "money is a mirror."
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Here are some examples:
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1. <b>Money is power.</b> It comes with the ability to influence other people. How people hold and use their power varies. Some use money to serve. Others use money to manipulate.
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2. <b>Money is safety and security.</b> It enables people to meet their basic needs for survival: food, shelter and protection. It can also bring us the ability to access resources that can keep us safe and secure.
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3. <b> Money separates people</b>. Defining people by how much money they have, "the haves" and "have nots" or the "upper class," "middle class" or "lower class," is a common cultural practice. Neighborhoods often reflect the financial common ground of a particular group of people. Renting an apartment in a multi-family home suggests a different social subgroup than living in a gated community of homeowners. Disagreements over money can cause rifts in families. Long standing friendships can be thrown into question when the financial position of one friend greatly changes, but not the other.
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4. <b>Money is all the things we want in our heart of hearts</b>. This includes freedom, happiness, peace and love.
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5. <b>Money is a responsibility and for some a burden</b>. Managing money takes a lot of time and energy.
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6. <b>Money creates opportunity</b>. Money can enable possibility. Money can open doors.
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7. <b>Money is acknowledgement. </b> Money is often a reward for our labors. Sadly, different professional areas are valued financially very differently. Someone who works on Wall Street makes far more money than a grammar school teacher. The professions that are most highly paid are not always the ones that make the greatest contribution to society.
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<b>How much is enough?</b>
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The key issue with money is not how much you have but how you hold what you have. Getting caught in the cycle of "I never have enough" creates a trap which impedes the quality of life. I like to answer the question "how much is enough?" by saying "whatever I need to do the things I really care about." The answer is different for every person. Someone who enjoys living in the country might need a very different amount than someone who really loves living in the heart of the city. If someone is single and unattached, their needs are very different than if they have children. At different times in outlives, we may answer the question differently.
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Learning to know ourselves is both an introspective process, and sometimes a process of trying out something that interests us and seeing if the experience increases or decreases of sense of interest. We need to look to our hearts as well as our minds to find answers. Learning to become honest with oneself takes time and courage.
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I believe it is also important to look at our wants and needs in the context of others and their needs. If we are afraid of life and do not trust we will find what we need, we might hold onto money and things tightly. We may find ourselves building fortresses and cushions of protection so we don't end up left in the lurch. In doing so, we may be taking more than our share out of fear. This behavior can become a cycle of stuckiness built on feelings of "I'll never have enough."
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In our culture today, we have too many examples of people who are ruled by greed with little conscience. The media is full of stories and images of people who lie, break the law and do whatever they want with little care for the consequence of their actions. There is a very high spiritual cost to living this way. And it breaks down the fabric of community and interconnection that is so important for all of us to have what we really need.
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Developing a healthy sense of "enough," while also incorporating a sense of social consciousness, is far more likely to lead to peace than living from a place of fear or great. Gratitude and appreciation feed the spirit and often generate more of the things we really want and need.
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Becoming grounded about your financial needs, your financial resources and your financial habits is also a key part of the money equation. How often do you spend money without tracking what you've spent or if you have enough for all your basic needs if you make a spending decision? Are you afraid to add up your expenses for fear of what the number might be? These kinds of habits leave us ungrounded. Keeping a money log where you track what you spend, and what you have to spend allows you to compare income and outflow consciously. It helps ground your money choices in money reality and lets you truly take care of yourself.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-54764048826544218862018-11-22T17:20:00.000-08:002018-11-22T17:20:25.977-08:00The Importance of Giving ThanksOn Thanksgiving evening, I am taking some quiet space to reflect with gratitude of the many good things in my life. I have always loved having a holiday that invites the opportunity to to meditate, take stock of what is good and right and give appreciation and thanks.
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Our world moves so fast. Things change in the blink of an eye. Technology is a blessing and a curse. It is so easy to see the glass as half empty. Especially when we feel more isolated, disconnected or overwhelmed.
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Giving thanks is a way of finding the ways the glass is half full or more than half full. Whatever we focus on grows. So, if we take the time to reflect on what is good in our lives, to appreciate the people, the creatures and the surroundings that support us, our sense of goodness expands.
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Appreciation is good for the heart and soul. It is a kind of spiritual fertilizer. It helps good feelings grow within us, and it helps good feelings grow in the others we care about. Giving thanks and appreciation invites us to slow down, to be present in the moment, to breathe, to feel and to introspect. Once we have taken the time to introspect, giving thanks invites us to express what we have come to appreciate to our friends, family, colleagues and larger community.
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Appreciation nurtures good will, which is another magic spiritual force. Good will invites collaboration. Good will invites generosity and kindness. Good will invites qualities of the heart, which make each moment more enjoyable and fulfilling. Good will helps make projects more possible and visions more realizable.
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Giving thanks is also good self-care. It is a way of being kind to ourselves. It is a way to really savor what we love, what is important and what might be too easy to take for granted if we don't slow down and take stock.
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When I sit with a group of people who together slow down, meditate and focus on what they have to be grateful for, I often hear realizations that many of the things that cause worry and anxiety are first world problems. Most of the people in my world have food, clothing and shelter. Most people in my world really do have enough. When we look at the people in CA whose homes and lives have been decimated by out of control fires, or even more locally at the people displaced by the Columbia Gas Explosions, the gift of having a safe, warm home becomes very clear.
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Giving thanks for health, for creative pursuits, for having enough enrich our spirits and our lives. If we use the critical mind to find fault, we can always generate a laundry list of issues. Joining the mind, heart and spirit in listing what is good will feed the soul and help us find peace in the moment and over time as well.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-26134615302514013752018-10-26T14:17:00.001-07:002018-10-26T14:17:34.587-07:00The Deep and the ShallowI recently saw the new version of "A Star Is Born," the collaborative project of Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. I was struck by the emotional power of many of the songs, particularly the way they were woven into the story line, and the visual images that accompanied their performance. Lady Gaga is a very evocative singer, so her singing made many of the songs truly heart rendering.
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A song from the movie which I suspect may be nominated for an Academy Award is "Shallow." And the very fact that "shallow" became a song title first called my attention. So much of the way the modern world is presented to us is just that, shallow. And as a former wise woman I knew once said to me, "A large percentage of people are hopelessly asleep, never to be awakened. Some open their eyes for a moments and go back to sleep. Others are dozing. And very few are consciously awake, diving into the depths of life, with all the emotional reverberations it brings."
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I was talking with one of my friends from college the other night, and we found ourselves talking about how special it was to find people who chose to explore the depths of their experience and who enjoyed talking about their emotional depths--thoughts, feelings and experiences, freely and openly. For many it is just too scary to "jump off the deep end" and move beyond the shallow. We are not taught how to be grounded, to live in our bodies, to create the internal space we need to feel and experience all of our feelings fully. We are even taught that some feelings are "good" and others are "bad" or "negative" which often interferes with having the emotional space to just presence and experience our feelings.
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Our schools would serve not only children but also future generations and society as a whole if we valued emotional literacy enough to teach as a subject from kindergarten on. Learning the skills to introspect, to breath into feelings so that we create the internal space to feel them, to learn what it means to live in the body and be grounded and to develop an observer or witness part in our consciousness that would help us be with whatever arises without judgment would greatly improve the quality of life for all.
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In a culture that stays on the shallow side lines, people seek superficial rewards and crave meaning and purpose. It takes the courage to dive into the depths beyond the shallow to find these kinds of soul deep rewards. Love is often portrayed as a gateway beyond the shallow into the depths, much like Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga sing about. But we need skills to navigate the depths, like emotional deep sea divers, if we are going to be able to ride the waves of life and time in the depths. Many of the images of love that are portrayed in the media are much more shallow. Men and women are objectified based on the looks or income. Everything is supposed to have the magic and ease of new relationship energy. But deeper relationships hit the shadows that inevitable arise within us as life takes its course.
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Emotional literacy can help us know ourselves and be available to know the depths in others. We can build the emotional muscles and the communication skills it takes to dive into the depths and relax in the shallow when consciously desired.
Having the skills and the emotional space to swim between deep and shallow help us learn to be balanced internally and with others in relationship.
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-60619281156029504332018-09-30T08:35:00.001-07:002018-09-30T08:35:46.949-07:00Trauma and SilenceWith the Christine Blaisey Ford versus Brett Kavanagh story in our public consciousness, the topic of trauma and silence is very timely. There are subjects that people just don't want to talk about or hear about, and trauma, violence, sexual transgressions and the stories of women and men who have lived through such experiences are at the top of that list.
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This year brought up the #MeToo movement, and with it an avalanche of stories formerly relinquished to the shadows, that can now courageously be brought into the light of day. I find it sad and angering that all too often as a brave individual comes forward to speak their truth and share their story, they are greeted by often men in positions of power saying, "if something really happened, why did the person wait until now to tell the story or report it?" A question like this reflects both a lack of understanding of the nature of trauma, and a total lack of compassion for the stakes a survivor of trauma must face when speaking up.
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Trauma breaks something fundamental in our expectations of human experience. Having a safe environment, having the boundaries of our bodies and hearts and minds respected, and being treated as though we matter, are as important for our psyches as being able to count on food, clothing and shelter.
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Trauma is like a wrecking ball that crashes through the fabric of our hearts and lives. Our hearts, bodies and minds become overwhelmed in the moment by feelings, thoughts and reality that are more than we can process or truly bear. Our feelings, thoughts and somatic experience fragment and shatter, as we move into a frozen holding pattern that can last for decades. Our actual memories, thoughts and feelings are buried deep down in the recesses of our consciousness. Even if we want to talk about what happened, we often are not able to do so. Our voices are frozen, along with our memories and our bodily experience.
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Healing from this kind of trauma is a courageous journey, and one that must unfold in its own right time and place. A safe healing environment, facilitated by a skilled and respectful therapist is often critical to recovery. This is a very personal journey, and one that is often invisible to even friends and family of a trauma survivor. If it takes courage to embark on the personal healing journey, it takes even more courage to tell ones story, even to those closest to us.
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Speaking about trauma in a larger, more public context presents a tremendous risk. Subjects that sit in the collective unconscious evoke dark triggering shadows when voiced. Our collective ignorance, fear and the reactivity that comes from ignorance and fear jump out at the courageous speaker, often with fangs and talons. To stand up and speak about sexual trauma, especially involving people in positions of privilege and power is to risk being a lightning rod for all the fear, anger, judgment and rage lurking in the shadows.
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If my college professor harassed me, was the dean of my college really going to believe me? If they did believe me, would they want anyone else to know or tell me to just move on and keep quiet? No one wants bad press. No one wants to take someone off their laurels. And if I was a student and a young woman, my place in the power pecking order was not significant enough to pay heed to really. And I would be blamed and judged and shamed...even when people had not heard my story. Speaking up was the equivalent of volunteering to wear the Scarlett letter, and be banished into the shadows of invisibility, because no one really wanted to believe what I had to say.
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So, beyond my own personal wounding, my awareness of the price I would pay for speaking would keep me silent. After all, self-preservation is pretty important. And who wants to be a sacrificial lamb? Though I don't really like the frame of victimhood, speaking out as a survivor of trauma or assault then subjects you to a downward spiral of intensifying and unspoken victimization.
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I had no choice but to speak out about a major life threatening trauma that happened to me at the hands of a stranger in an alley on my way home from my job when I was 16. If I did not tell the story, I would not survive. But a story of an attempted rape and murder of a 16 year old girl by a stranger is more hearable than a story of sexual abuse by a freaked out father who could not deal with the fact that his daughter had been attacked when she came home from the encounter. And it is also more hearable than the story of a college professor misusing his power because this same young woman was not interested in his sexual advances. Or the story of the high school Math teacher who sadistically took this young woman aside and told her girls could not be smart at Math. When a stranger is the perpetrator, it is one thing. When it is one's father or high school teacher or college professor...or classmate, it is another.
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Just recently I wrote a song called "The Mistake," which is a piece of my true story, but is written in the spirit of compassion and healing. "The sins of the fathers pass on to their daughters...the pain of the mothers pass on to their sons," is the lyric at the bridge of the song, reflecting the transgenerational patterns and shadows we are all dancing with.
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I pray we can all embrace our deepest courage, and open our hearts to speak and listen. If we can truly speak and listen from our hearts, lots of truth can be spoken, lots of healing can take place, and perhaps the hidden pain that has weighed so many of us down individually and collectively, can be transformed for our children and our children's children's children.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-91462573644368810442018-08-28T13:43:00.000-07:002018-08-28T13:43:30.561-07:00The Power of WE: The Women In Music Gathering<i>There is a saying that if we want to get somewhere faster, we do it alone, but if we want to go farther, we do it together. </i>
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This past April, the Women In Music Gathering was launched, an intergenerational artist alliance that was the collaborative creation of me, social media publicist Cindy D'Adamo, and singer/songwriter Colette O'Connor. We were aware that women in music face a very particular set of obstacles as they strive to balance relationships and professional goals throughout the different stages of their lives.
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The journey is often frought with competing needs of the creative individual, a partner, children, an aging parent and professional challenges. It is very easy to both feel alone and be alone in this journey.
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The field of music has become more complex and challenging in our internet and social media era, where being seen and heard, making money from one's profession and having true listening rooms for live performances is no small task. It can be quite overwhelming knowing where to focus, what to focus on, and how to balance all the activities that are needed to build one's music life and integrate it into a whole life as a woman.
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There is also the need to just speak and be heard and listen to other's stories in a group of collaborative women. The first time our group gathered, there was a profound energy in the room. It became very apparent that our coming together not only was fulfilling a deep and unspoken emotional need, but also a more sacred purpose. Our members ranged in age from 20's to 60's, and as we shared our life stories, many common threads emerged along with many tears. To be in a circle where others inherently understood the challenges of the journey, the aloneness and the need to gather together for both personal and professional support was extraordinary.
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Our meetings include a potluck brunch, a song sharing circle and a chance to go deeper and share what is on our hearts, as well as professional projects, questions and visions. Just as the power of the group can uplift each of its members, performing together as a group can uplift the audience in a powerful way. The whole is truly greater than the sum of the parts, and when four to eleven singer/songwriters and performing musicians share their unique musical flavors, the listener is bathed in a rich experience that touches heart and mind.
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What is also wonderful is how collaborative projects unfold organically. We currently have 15 members in our group, and we thought it would be wonderful to do a "group showcase" show. Thanks to the support of Tom Bianchi who books the Burren, our group will be performing there on 11/18, and 11 members of the group will be sharing their songs. When I needed to choose back-up singers for my upcoming show 9/27 at Club Passim, it was a natural thought to ask two of my Women In Music Gathering sisters in song, Mary Casiello and Mara Bettencourt to join me. When we perform, we can back each other, not only emotionally and practically, but harmonically!
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Last week, four of us sang sets of original songs at a venue in Somerville, and we discovered that two of us had written songs inspired by our four-legged companions. Our group is full of animal lovers, so the idea emerged of doing a show to benefit a local animal shelter. We are now doing our research to identify the date and venue for the show, and determining which of many beloved animal shelters will benefit from our efforts. Once the nuts and bolts are clear, we can collaborate with the animal shelter to promote the event, and in doing so, the cause of making sure our four legged companions are well cared for in forever homes.
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The model we are building here in the Boston area can be transferred to other cities around the country. Gathering women in music for personal and professional support and collaboration, not only fills a need, but actually inspires. And as we are full and inspired, we touch others through our music and lives.
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-1795396846699180582018-07-29T16:52:00.000-07:002018-07-29T16:52:05.697-07:00Opening To The Spark Of InspirationI have had periods of my life where I have felt my creative channel was wide open, and as I went through my days, I could live in a manner that allowed me to receive creative inspiration. I have also had periods of my life where too much was on my emotional and psychic radar to have any space at all for precious creative inspiration.
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While I feel more alive, in the moment and present in all my senses when my creative channel feels open, sometimes life's necessities or challenges make this vital capacity seem like a luxury.
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In my 20's when I fully embraced songwriting for the first time, I could be anywhere--driving on a highway, reflecting on a conversation or waking up in the middle of the night and feel an impulse arise from within my heart. I would recognize the gift that was surfacing and I knew that when a song was beginning to come through, it was critical that I ground it, write it down, sing it, go to the piano and work with the impulse like a sculptor with a chunk of clay....I was also aware there was a window of time where I needed to capture this bit of inspiration before it was gone.
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Scraps of paper were often my retrieval tools, or journals if I was lucky enough to be carrying one with me. I would try my best to remember emerging melodies, singing them over and over to myself until I could get myself home to the piano. Today, with an iPhone, it is much easier to capture the emerging fragments of a new song. I can sing a melody line into the iPhone, type lyrics into an e-mail to myself....and when I go to the piano, I can record my initial musings as I play.
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However, it is just as important that I follow an impulse and work with it when it is fresh and arising. It seems the more fully I surrender to a new burst of inspiration, the easier it is for it to emerge and unfold.
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I learned early on not to force it or push it. Inspiration has its own rhythm and timing. And the more receptive and surrendered I am, the better. I find when I am working with an emerging song, if I give it my full focus, the song will take me as far as it is ready to go. It may take several sittings over the course of a day or several days or even a week for the song to form fully enough for me to have the outline of its overall structure: verses, chorus, bridge, introduction, outro...
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I am grateful that I have learned to be kind, gentle and patient with myself in the songwriting process. Sometimes a song comes to me in full--music and lyrics both at once. Sometimes a fragment is music or words. Closing my eyes, moving into a meditative inner space, where my mind is quiet and my breathing is deep may allow me to feel the emerging song more deeply in my body and heart. Making notes about what is emerging and then returning to a place of stillness and inner quiet, can feel quite magical and graceful. My observing self can recognize that a spark of inspiration is moving through me, and this feels joyful and worthy of gratitude. And at this point in my life, I am deeply grateful that I can live spaciously enough to be open to inspiration this way.
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I have to respect the other kinds of work I have done in my life, and one can say that most everything I have done has come from a deep creative source. But for all the years that what it took to earn my living, raise a child, especially as a single mom, to care for the many responsibilities that all of us are faced with in our lives, a part of my deepest self felt numb, or perhaps buried and forgotten. When I did not tap into my creative channel, I wondered if I would ever be able to find it again.
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I never liked to write music as homework assignments in college, because they were "production," not "inspiration." Writing from production might even yield a fine result. It just did not feel the same. So, part of me made a commitment to myself that I would let inspiration be my source, however long that too. And I accepted even years of dry spells, trusting that the well within would be there when the time came for me to tap back in.
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One can say that when something is a part of you, it never goes away. You might not express those parts of you, but the core source of expression remains. It has been a 10 year process for me to "jump back on the source," and fully embrace my creative songwriting channel. For the past 5 years, I have given myself permission to change the landscape of my life so that I could be receptive and present as inspiration arose.
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I find it fascinating when people ask me, "how do you have so much energy?" or "how do you do so many things?" My answer is "I love these things. They arise from within me. It is natural." When inspiration guides you, even big projects can be light lifting. For this I am grateful.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-38917405401318217012018-06-20T18:19:00.001-07:002018-06-20T18:19:47.178-07:00Rebecca Parris: A TributeMusic is my deepest lifelong passion, but my path towards fully embracing it has not been linear at all. As a child, I did not talk until I was 3, but I found myself magnetically gravitating towards any and every piano as a toddler, running my fingers up and down the key creating melodies joyfully and organically. My father did not share my joy. He repeatedly told me that "music was the waste of a good mind." And so, my love of music was a source of great shame.
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In spite of that emotional burden, I wrote music through my childhood, got a degree in Music with honors and distinction from Yale and pursued a career as a performing singer/songwriter in the Boston acoustic music scene when I was in my early 20's. My first album, a tape of all original songs, "Dreams And Themes" came out in 1983. My songs were well received. But between being an introvert fighting an internal battle to put myself "out," and the reality that taking enough money to live as a musician was really really hard, I found myself stepping back. I had no idea my pause would turn into a multi-decade hiatus.
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About 10 years ago, something inside me was tugging at me to move back towards music. I started going to the Acton Jazz Cafe Jazz Jams, frequented by a whole community of wonderful musicians, among whom one was Rebecca Parris. Her ability to tell a story through a song and truly mesmerize her audience with an emotionally compelling, soulful rendering of every line she sang made a strong impression on me.
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My circumstances as the single mom of a then middle school aged son pulled me back and forth as I tried to "jump back on the (music) horse," and eventually as I meditated on what to do, my heart told me to call Rebecca Parris. As soon as she answered my phone call, I knew I had just opened a critically important door.
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And Rebecca was truly my mentor, my coach and the holder of my heart space as I faced all the demons that arose as I opened my heart to my music deeply once again. She helped me not only technically, but even more importantly personally. She knew that the heart of the song required a deep space within the heart of the singer. And the deep heart space she had created within herself was a warm, compassionate place to be held while moving through the pain that kept me from embracing the full power of my own voice. I only wanted to sing songs I really loved. And I found myself crying through most of these songs as I prepared myself to be able to sing them.
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Rebecca's love, wisdom, talent and incredible soul touched me very very deeply. She gave me the gift of knowing her longtime partner, pianist Paul McWilliams, and her adopted adult daughter, Marla Kleman. I had many meaningful visits to her home in Duxbury with Paul at the pianist and Rebecca at the coaching helm.
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Rebecca mentored many, many singers. And I appreciated the wonderful community of singers who came to Rebecca to hone their craft. I made special friendships with some of these other singers, and felt more and more a part of the Boston musical community. Rebecca also was very generous lending her voice and talent to support good causes. When I produced the first of three Voices of Boys and Men Concerts to benefit Boys to Men New England, an adult-teen mentoring program for teenage boys, I invited Rebecca to be our headliner and she very generously graced our stage. I could think of no more fitting model of mentorship than Rebecca.
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On June 17, after singing with Paul at the piano at a jazz jam on Cape Cod, Rebecca went outside and collapsed. As Marla wrote, "her heart just stopped," and she died at Yarmouth Hospital. It is hard to imagine she has crossed over to the other side. Her spirit and reach into the world of music was so great. People of her depth of spirit and soul are just as rare as people of her vocal talent. I miss her deeply. And I know that is true for the countless people she touched.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-69469182777557233002018-05-29T21:21:00.001-07:002018-05-29T21:21:18.764-07:00EnoughI find it fascinating to see where songs come from and what sparks inspiration. A couple weeks ago, my singer/songwriter colleague John Mark sent me an article entitled "All I Want Is A Mediocre Life," and asked for my thoughts about what he might include in a refrain for a song on this subject.
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Though I have never liked the word "mediocre," the article got me thinking how much I value simplicity and how important it is to have a sense of "enough." And then I got to reflecting on what is happening in my local village of Newtonville, as several big commercial development projects are changing the face and landscape of my long time stomping ground. One project involves building a mixed use complex on a popular parking lot. Another project, one the neighborhood tried to push back on unsuccessfully, has put beloved mom and pop businesses out of business, as longstanding buildings are being torn down to make way for a huge 5 story complex, which will dwarf any remaining buildings near the intersection of Washington and Walnut Streets.
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Projects like these could make Newtonville unaffordable for people like me (and many others). And while many consider this kind of commercial development progress or just inevitable, beyond the inconvenience of detours due to months of construction, I grieve the loss of simplicity of life as it has been.
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The shadows of commercial development have also been haunting me in Waltham. When I moved into my house there 3 years ago, a 1950's ranch sat on a corner lot at the end of my street, inhabited by an elderly woman. When she died, her family sold the lot to developers, who tore down the ranch house and built two large houses on the lot. My very own house, built in 2006, was the product of the same kind of development: a 1950's Cape house had occupied a large lot, and it was torn down and replaced by two houses. I appreciate my house. I appreciate having a small yard without the burden of maintenance that a larger lot would require. But I am sad to be part of a trend of tearing down houses that were perfectly adequate for a family to live in when I grew up, and squeezing multiple larger houses on postage stamp sized lots.
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I love beauty. I love quality. But I fear we are losing perspective. We live in a supersized world, where we receive messages that bigger is better. That Starbucks calls a small coffee a tall, and a medium coffee a grande is a metaphor for what is becoming "normal." Somehow, I am afraid that the simple things are getting lost, either because we are too busy to have time for them or because there is no room for them with our new constructions.
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I found myself moved to address this experience, and a song started to come through me. Simple is enough for me. And I hope I will not become an anachronism because I feel this way! Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-55728931062195106042018-04-28T19:31:00.001-07:002018-04-28T19:32:26.405-07:00The Power of WeAn inspirational quote that I read recently reflected that if we do things alone, we can get to a destination faster, but if we do things together, we can go much farther. As individual people, when we get clear on our vision, and act on that vision, we are powerful. Yet, when we join with others, share our visions, and support each other in the journey, our power grows exponentially. I call this exponential power, "the power of we."
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When I was in graduate school, I remember learning that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. And as I worked in the beginning of the organizational transformation movement, I learned that organizations are actually organisms. This lens brings a wonderful consciousness to the founding and development of groups and the projects they undertake. If a group is understood to be a living organism, and each member of a group is a unique, crucial and creative part of the whole, great and unexpected outcomes can emerge and grow.
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When two people join together on a common goal, there are actually three entities they need to attend to: each individual "I" and the collective "we." The needs and goals of each individual "I" are important to define and attend to. Recognizing that an oversoul, the "we" also exists, which might have needs and goals that are related to or different from the individuals' needs allows for the care of the relationship as well as the individuals who comprise it.
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If I am founding a new group, I try to identify some common elements that create common ground for potential members. For example, in the new Women In Music Gathering that I am co-founding with Colette O'Connor and Cindy D'Adamo, all our members are women musicians, deeply called to and committed to the personal and creative process of making music. Musicians do so much in isolation that building a community of fellow musicians offers nourishment,support and inspiration. By sharing stories of our personal journeys, we find empathetic listeners and common ground. We do not feel as alone. And special projects can emerge for us to co-create together.
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At our first meeting, as we introduced ourselves to the group, articulated what inspired us as musicians, described our journey, and looked at our current projects and vision, we found common ground, found listeners who really understood what we were saying, and recognized that our hearts were touched and great energy was generated as each and every member of our group spoke and shared. This kind of soulful communication invites an organic bonding. And the organic bonding invites collaboration and support for the things that matter most to each and all of us. It could lead to new shared projects, as well as nuts and bolts support for current individual projects. We bond over our common ground.
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The dynamics are similar even in different groups and different projects. The recent Cabaret Evening for the Newton Festival of the Arts brought together 8 singers and an accompanist to perform in a 21 song, 90 minute revue. Our goals were to have fun, express ourselves, and provide joy and entertainment to our audience. We each prepared our individual songs and a handful of duets. As the producer, I organized the songs into an order for the performance, balancing tempos, styles, genres, male and female singers, solos and duets....And when showtime came, I can feel the power of the team delivering the show. Each and every singer sang at a high level. We passed the microphone baton from one singer to the next, as though we were in a musical relay event. The show evoked many emotional qualities, including laughter and moments that touched the heart. There was a wonderful collaborative energy. It was clear we all had different pieces to complete one another's jigsaw puzzles. And by the end of the show, we felt like a connected team, each celebrating one another's performance, and celebrating together what we co-created.
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The creative process that can unfold when a group of people get together with conscious awareness of the power of we is inspiring, and when carefully tended, can lead to endless and fruitful possibilities and successes.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-16055143021413097432018-03-26T20:59:00.000-07:002018-03-26T20:59:02.172-07:00The Thin Line Between Dreams and RealityA grade school friend recently posted photos from our high school yearbook on Facebook. Under the photo of me at age 16 is a quote I wrote that in many ways has been the tagline of my life: "A thin line stands between dream and reality and only the heart knows the characteristics that correspond to either side." Isn't it amazing that we are who we are from the very beginning. Over time, the threads of our core identity are woven together in a magical web. There can be different chapters and different expressions, but the same underlying message.
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The quote evolved into my signature song, written in my early 20's, which evolved into my first book, which was published on my 30th birthday. Learning the art of creating from the heart has involved two critical and inter-related skill sets:
1. developing the capacity tap into deep dreams and 2. breaking down dreams into a series of action steps, building a pathway to bring dreams into reality. Yet even more fundamentally, learning to hold the space between dream and reality, allowing for vision to become real, is a profound point of power.
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I think I first became aware of the thin line that stands between dream and reality in a grammar school science class. We did an experiment "bending light" with a magnifying glass at just the right angle to burn a hole in a piece of white paper. It really felt like magic. Without discovering the "thin line,"in this case just the right position for the magnifying glass, nothing would happen on the paper. Yet, discovering the right position allowed a kind of alchemy to occur.
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The creative process requires and invites this kind of alchemy. Attuning to deeper feelings, thoughts and intuition through meditation, journaling, movement and introspection allows dreams to germinate and be captured tangibly in images, feelings, and words. By revisiting an image, a feeling, a thought or words, we can bring our conscious energy to the dream or vision. Our conscious energy allows the dream or vision to evolve and become clearer. Increased clarity allows us to translate the dream or vision into actionable steps we can take. Taking action steps and evolving vision become an integrated feedback loop. Each step we take clarifies what comes next. What results from each step helps us refine our vision.
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Learning to hold vision lightly and with a heartfelt commitment is another kind of thin line. Human beings are often scared of the unknown and the unseen. And making dreams real involves starting with the unseen and the unknown. If we are scared, we hold onto vision tightly. This tightness can leave no breathing room for a creative process to unfold. Faith is a critical ingredient in giving vision space to breathe and unfold.
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When we are afraid, it is hard to have faith. Learning to sit with an open space, patiently, quietly and faithfully is a kind of emotional or spiritual "muscle building." Initially it might hurt. With practice, we become stronger and better able to gently hold vision faithfully.
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Over the years, I have had many opportunities to practice working with the thin line between dreams and reality. As a songwriter, I sit in an open space and a state of receptivity, never knowing when inspiration will strike. When I am struck and a song starts to come through my creative channel, it is my work to then sit with it, listen to it, receive it, and go to the piano to capture it. Making notes about chords and lyrics, and recording an emerging melody help me birth a song. Sometimes it comes all at once. Sometimes it comes in fragments. Keeping my mind open to how it will come through and when keeps my creative process fertile.
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When I paint, sometimes I have a clear image I want to make real...and other times I am called by particular colors, both on their own and in combination. Working with acrylics in a pouring medium includes opening to the magic of what the medium itself creates. There is a divine magic at work, and the end result is surprise.
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Starting a new project, bringing people together to build community, writing an article or a book, or developing a personal growth workshop all have elements of working with this thin line. When to listen and when to speak, when to apply oneself and when to step back, when to ask outwardly and when to ask inwardly....there are fine lines between each of these dualities.
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Becoming comfortable and familiar with polarities and the balanced middle ground is all part of this thin line dance.
Right brain and body wisdom can be a fine conductor of the creative journey.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-24928340369414202742018-02-25T12:16:00.002-08:002018-02-25T12:16:28.398-08:00Connection And True SafetyWith all the cultural violence we are living through right now, sadly too often it is hard to truly feel safe. Schools, libraries and churches are places we would expect to be safe. One could argue that each of these places is even sacred. But the pain and disconnection that is ripping through both individual people and our society as a whole has brought violence into all of these safe, sacred spaces.
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Even when we suspect violence is to come, as those close to Nikolas Cruz, who killed 17 people at Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida did, and as neighbors of Jeffrey Yao, who killed a woman and wounded a man at the Winchester Public Library in Winchester, Massachusetts reported and feared, the pathway to make a difference and stop potential violence is not clear. People reported concerns about Cruz to appropriate authorities. Nothing was done. Neighbors feared Yao would kill someone. Sure enough, he did.
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Looking at both the personal and cultural pain and trauma that underlie violence is critical. Pain and trauma disconnect us from ourselves, from others and from the divine. Too often, we feel frozen, helpless and powerless in the face of senseless violence. We don't know how to protect ourselves. We don't know what can be done to stop more senseless violence from happening. And it takes a sense of disconnection to commit violent crimes. In order to hurt or kill other people, a killer must view them as just that, "other," separate from self. When we "other" those around us, they can become targets or objects of our pain and rage.
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Guns do not make us safe. Guns are made to kill and injure. When used as an extension of rage, guns have become a weapon of terrorism and destruction, too often at a large scale. The idea of having more guns in the hands of more people frightens me greatly. The more guns, the greater the chance of gun violence. Gun violence cannot happen in the absence of guns.
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The response of the students who survived the school shooting in Florida is powerful and important. When our leaders don't get to the heart of the matter, it is critical that individual people gather together, as have these students, and harness their collective power to truly fight for fundamental change. In addition to their courage and voices, these students are modeling the importance of connection in creating and restoring true safety. When we can feel each other's pain, when we can see that what could happen to you could happen to me, and what actually happened in one place could likely happen anywhere, including where we are, we begin to become conscious of the fundamental interconnection between us. And if we can truly see and feel our common humanity, our capacity for empathy develops and grows. As our empathy develops, so does emotional intelligence, which leads to more conscious, thoughtful, considerate behavior, and the recognition we need to heal our pain rather than act out from it.
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Healing is a process that helps us restore all forms of connection, within oneself, between self and other and between self and the divine. When people come together around a common vision, common values and right action, one can argue the divine works with them and through them. Aloneness breeds disconnection, alienation and powerlessness.
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When we feel that we are different in an alienating way, that no one understands us, that we are pushed to the margins and we are left to suffer in our pain, we experience a soul crushing sense of disconnection. This kind of disconnection is at the root of loneliness, addiction, and violence. We feel invisible. We feel we do not matter. Pain and anger can build up to the point of explosion. We can implode or explode.
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In an era where the forces pulling us apart are often more visible than the forces drawing us together, we seek safety and self-protection as sole units. We hope that by pursuing money, individual space, and other material resources, we can protect ourselves. But often it doesn't work out that way. Our disconnected society creates more and more holes for people to fall through, and sociopaths pursuing personal interest at any cost to move through. The whole is really greater than the sum of its parts. So, we need to find ways to come together and form meaningful wholes. This is the kind of power we really need. And this is the kind of power that can make a difference and create real, tangible safety.
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Weapons of mass destruction have no place in our daily lives. Guns do not belong in the hands of teachers or students. Building capacities for emotional literacy, deep listening, community healing and community collaboration are needed to truly transform our world to a place of true safety.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-39004468988858748302018-01-28T18:28:00.001-08:002018-01-28T18:32:46.559-08:00Loneliness KillsA critical public health issue that Former US surgeon general Dr Vivek Murthy is now focusing on might surprise you. And the toll this particular issue takes on our health is as great as smoking cigarettes. Too rarely do we value and focus on our emotional well-being and our health overall. But if we want to look at the underlying roots of the opioid crisis and addiction, violence, and cardiovascular illness, there is one key issue in common: loneliness.
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In an interview published January 18, 2018 in the Boston Globe, Murthy reflects, "Loneliness and emotional-well being are connected to the issues we're reading about in the papers every day....Loneliness can contribute to addiction and can be a consequence of struggling with addiction." Much like the chicken and the egg.
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The article notes that "there is a growing body of data and science that's telling us that loneliness is more prevalent than we thought and it's also growing over the last several decades." Being in as state of chronic stress contributes to serious health issues, including cardiovascular illness. "Loneliness places the body in a chronic stress state and increases inflammation levels." But even more sobering, loneliness can have the same life-shortening effect as smoking 15 cigarettes per day! This is the data Murthy presents that "is telling us that loneliness kills."
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In a world where cyberconnection possibilities are seemingly endless, we can lose touch with the importance of connecting with one another face to face. Our cyberculture can isolate us. Working at home from our computers may have its conveniences, but it can also reduce our sense of actual connection. I notice that when I serve on committees or boards, not only do we stay more focused on our collective goals when we meet face to face, but we also nourish our common bond and our sense of team. I have found that conference calls and video calls can be done without the time needed to drive to a meeting, but they can not sustain spirit and creativity without sufficient face to face contact. When people are within 8 - 10 feet of one another, their heart fields connect without words. We lose the full benefit of this kind of heart connection when we have virtual meetings.
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Work consumes a huge amount of our time and life energy. But with a transient work culture, where people move from job to job or organization to organization frequently, instead of staying at one company for a career, it is hard to establish or maintain close connections. In addition to it being lonely at the top (the article notes that "even half of CEOs admit to feeling lonely I their jobs"), it can be lonely throughout the organization. We live in a time where work follows us 24-7, since we can send and receive e-mails and send texts from the dinner table, on vacation or even in bed at night. This can eat into our tie for face to face connections and self-care, and can keep us from being fully present with the people we are with when we are actually with them.
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Murthy advocates for making emotional well-being more of a priority in the United States is critical. Growing awareness that loneliness is a serious health issue is a critical task. Finding ways to live and work that consider and encourage emotional well-being is a worthy pursuit.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4894059561163625625.post-34141732949784241222017-12-28T18:17:00.000-08:002017-12-28T18:20:31.181-08:00Self-Care and Empowerment in Crazy Times<i>"Some people are like frogs in boiling water.
Others blink and choose to go to sleep.
Special ones dare live inside the moment.
Courageous soul deep divers pave the way."</i>
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<i> From "Alone" ©2017 Linda Marks</i>
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2017 was a year of truly crazy times. Fake news. Alternative facts. Tweets and more tweets. Russian hacks. Questioning global warming. Dismantling the tax code. Unraveling health care coverage for millions of people. The #MeToo campaign, with celebrity after celebrity, well-known political figures in the spotlight for sexual harassment and more, unleashed an avalanche of stories from the shadows. Overwhelm and overload. Every day seemed to bring with it a new low.
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Many people feel powerless, voiceless and scared as critical issues are changing in ways that impact us all. Yet the political factions making the changes are out of reach, and don't seem to care about the vast majority of people who are impacted by the changes. Do things need to breakdown to breakthrough? Can our country and our infrastructure truly be taken from us and overtaken by a small group of wealthy self-interested people?
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Creativity abounds even in crazy times. Matt Kiser started publishing WTF Just Happened Today?" a daily newsletter giving you a point by point breakdown of the daily "shock and awe" (particularly involving all matters Trump), providing links to the major political news events of the day. An article in Fast Company magazine calls it, "a diary of our times," and one might shake their head at the amount of news Trump et al are managing to generate every single day. I find reading WTFJHT is grounding, since Matt's summary is well-done and it's an easy way of keeping ones finger on the pulse of the unfolding news.
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Another wonderful interpreter of our crazy times is Randy Rainbow, a comedian, singers and writer, who has become a popular YouTube presence with his political parodies set to the music of many well-known Broadway tunes. The 2016 Presidential campaign was great fodder for Rainbow's creative talents, and his viral YouTube videos are brilliant, funny and on the mark. "Fact Checker, Fact Checker," sung to "Matchmaker, Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof, "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea," sung to "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria" from the Sound of Music and even a Broadway Medley of Trump's famous made up word "Covfefe," are just a few examples of Rainbow's brilliant musical satire.
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So, while Matt Kiser will help you keep grounded in the daily news reality and Randy Rainbow will help you find humor in even the darkest realities, how do we keep our sanity when we don't know what to believe, what rug will be pulled out from under us next, and whether our economic future will be crumble to quicksand or solid?
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I think gathering with other people and talking about your experience, your feelings overall, what you are scared of, what you can do and can't do is important to diffuse the overwhelm and isolation that so easily come from living in crazy times. Perhaps isolation is a version of the pot of boiling water we find ourselves in. And gathering together is a way to escape the inevitable slow death to follow.
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Looking at where we CAN make a difference and taking action in ways that DO make a difference are important. Whether you mentor a child in your community or volunteer at the local animal shelter or even help good local candidates run for office and represent issues that matter in your community, being part of a positive change is both good self-care and empowering.
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Letting yourself take space to slow down, meditate, find and keep your center, and keep working towards your vision and your values is critical. We don't need to buy in to the powerlessness the fake news generators are feeding us. Remember you are an active creator in this world and certainly in your own life. Create what inspires you and helps others.
The moment is our point of power, and following our points of passion helps us direct that power wisely.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18324095294156024163noreply@blogger.com0