In my work, the relationship of the emotional heart to the physical heart is very clear. When someone is sad, their heart might be heavy. When someone is happy, their heart might feel light. When someone is nervous, their heart might be tense. As someone feels emotional relief, the tension in their heart relaxes.
When a woman experiences stress, her brain speeds up and alot of blood flow goes to the emotional part of her brain. She's designed to be emotionally activated under stress. This leads to feelings and a need to talk about what she is feeling. If a woman does not talk about what she is feeling, her stress level goes up. If she has no one to hear her, is shut off from expressing her feelings by a listener who does not want to or cannot hear her, or she is unable to speak, her stress level continues to rise, and takes a toll on her physical heart, as well as her emotional heart.
One way women relieve emotional stress is by giving. Giving generates the hormone oxytocin, the love and bonding hormone, which reduces her stress level and helps her feel better. However, if a woman just gives and does not get replenished, she will burn out from giving without being nourished in turn.
Concord, MA cardiologist, Malissa Woods, recognizes the mind-body connection in preventing and healing heart disease for women, and has designed a program to help reduce heart disease in women using 'a breakthrough mind-body approach' that combines tradntional medicine with emotional balance.
Featured in the Boston Globe on January 29, Dr Woods has just published a new book, Smart at Heart, which outlines 'a holistic 10-step approach' to help prevent and heal heart disease. She oversees a study at the MGH Revere HealthCare Center whose participants are 'low-income, stress-laden' women. By joining together, and finding a safe place to share their stories and seek support, they also treat the "common risk factors for heart disease," which include depression, obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sadly, low self-esteem.
Wood notes, "You're not going to exercise and eat right if your life is in shambles." Women need emotional support to sort out the obstacles in their lives so there is space to take care of themselves. Wood found that anxiety "permeated" the lives of most of the women in her study. "Surrounding yourself with people who have good habits" and building a strong social network is important for health and balance.
Mind-body practices like yoga, meditation and even mindful exercise help women listen to their emotional heart as well as care for their physical heart. Making small changes to your physical environment, like clearing a pile of old papers, can decrease emotional stress on your heart.
Women need emotional connection and expression, both with themselves and with others. Feeding emotional, spiritual and physical connection all contribute to a healthier female heart.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Learning to Love Another Person on Their Own Terms
What makes you feel loved?
Do daily phone calls make you feel connected or hounded?
Does a home-cooked dinner feel like loving nourishment or being smothered?
What feels loving to one person may not feel loving to another person, even when there is good intent behind a gesture, words or an action.
We often think what makes us feel loved is universal. And there are surely some universal elements to feeling loved. However, our "loveprint" may be as unique as our fingerprint, and for a friend or partner to learn our love pattern or even love language, inquiry and dialogue is often necessary.
With the fantasy image of "being in love," that is often portrayed by the media, we can come to believe that if someone loves us, they should "just know" what makes us feel loved without any communication at all. While for many women, receiving flowers or jewelry gives a loving message, and for a man, being given the space to put his feet up after a long day and channel surf expresses love, more personal and intimate ways of feeling loved may be smaller and more unique to the individual: a tender glance, a gentle squeeze of a hand or sitting next to one another on the sofa may charge up the love battery each day.
Gary Chapman even speaks of different "love languages." In his book The 5 Love Lanaguages, he notes that for different people, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service or physical touch are a primary love language. If a person whose primary love language gives a hug to someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation, it may not have the same impact as "I love you" in spoken words.
Learning that we all have unique combinations of these 5 love languages and taking the time to compose a personal love dictionary can help the experience of loving bring more appreciation for both giver and receiver.
Copyright 2012 Linda Marks
Do daily phone calls make you feel connected or hounded?
Does a home-cooked dinner feel like loving nourishment or being smothered?
What feels loving to one person may not feel loving to another person, even when there is good intent behind a gesture, words or an action.
We often think what makes us feel loved is universal. And there are surely some universal elements to feeling loved. However, our "loveprint" may be as unique as our fingerprint, and for a friend or partner to learn our love pattern or even love language, inquiry and dialogue is often necessary.
With the fantasy image of "being in love," that is often portrayed by the media, we can come to believe that if someone loves us, they should "just know" what makes us feel loved without any communication at all. While for many women, receiving flowers or jewelry gives a loving message, and for a man, being given the space to put his feet up after a long day and channel surf expresses love, more personal and intimate ways of feeling loved may be smaller and more unique to the individual: a tender glance, a gentle squeeze of a hand or sitting next to one another on the sofa may charge up the love battery each day.
Gary Chapman even speaks of different "love languages." In his book The 5 Love Lanaguages, he notes that for different people, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service or physical touch are a primary love language. If a person whose primary love language gives a hug to someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation, it may not have the same impact as "I love you" in spoken words.
Learning that we all have unique combinations of these 5 love languages and taking the time to compose a personal love dictionary can help the experience of loving bring more appreciation for both giver and receiver.
Copyright 2012 Linda Marks
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Why Need Isn't A Four Letter Word
We are taught very early that being "needy" is undesireable. Our culture reveres self-reliance, sometimes to a pathological extreme. And our "needs" are often considered dirty, shameful or bad. Needs are often treated like a "four letter word," but to our detriment.
When we are children, our needs reflect what is required to keep us alive, initially physically, and eventually emotionally and spiritually as well. Today's culture focuses on the existence of and value for our basic and higher human needs as individuals than in past eras. In prior generations, more attention was paid to how well we conformed to societally defined roles. We were to be molded to fit the roles, rather than developed as unique human beings with inherent worth.
As a result, many of our basic emotional, relational and spiritual needs went unmet, and sometimes our physical needs went unmet too. People who have not had their emotional, relational, physical and spiritual needs met, will grow older chronologically, but they will not mature emotionally and relationally, because they will suffer from the gap created by the unmet needs. They will not have the skills nor the capacity to provide what others need, since they have not received what they need themselves.
Our task as we mature includes learning to identify our needs, and to learn how to ask others for what we need in respectful ways. This includes discerning who might be capable of meeting our needs, and who cannot meet our needs, so we ask in appropriate places. It is also important to not expect a close friend or a partner to meet all of our unmet needs. Close friends and partners can meet many of our needs, but there is a big difference between choicefully meeting another person's adult needs, and being a substitute parent for what someone never received as a child.
Our adult needs are often a mixture of unmet needs from childhood and adult needs, which may be related to or unrelated to our childhood needs. The more clearly we can understand, define and communicate what we need, the more successful we can become in getting what we need from ourselves and others. And the more respectful we are of the limits, boundaries and gifts of others, the more grace can be found as we seek places to have our needs met...and learn skills to reciprocate and meet others' needs.
Most simply, needing is part of being human. We are not meant to be islands. We are not meant to do it all alone. As we peel away barriers of shame that have been passed on to us by our families or the generations that came before them, we can see needs for what they are: basic ingredients that feed the human being--emotionally, physically, spiritually and practically.
When we learn how to get what we need, we have more space to give others what they need. And when we can both give and receive, the circle of our interconnection strengths.
Copyright 2011 Linda Marks
When we are children, our needs reflect what is required to keep us alive, initially physically, and eventually emotionally and spiritually as well. Today's culture focuses on the existence of and value for our basic and higher human needs as individuals than in past eras. In prior generations, more attention was paid to how well we conformed to societally defined roles. We were to be molded to fit the roles, rather than developed as unique human beings with inherent worth.
As a result, many of our basic emotional, relational and spiritual needs went unmet, and sometimes our physical needs went unmet too. People who have not had their emotional, relational, physical and spiritual needs met, will grow older chronologically, but they will not mature emotionally and relationally, because they will suffer from the gap created by the unmet needs. They will not have the skills nor the capacity to provide what others need, since they have not received what they need themselves.
Our task as we mature includes learning to identify our needs, and to learn how to ask others for what we need in respectful ways. This includes discerning who might be capable of meeting our needs, and who cannot meet our needs, so we ask in appropriate places. It is also important to not expect a close friend or a partner to meet all of our unmet needs. Close friends and partners can meet many of our needs, but there is a big difference between choicefully meeting another person's adult needs, and being a substitute parent for what someone never received as a child.
Our adult needs are often a mixture of unmet needs from childhood and adult needs, which may be related to or unrelated to our childhood needs. The more clearly we can understand, define and communicate what we need, the more successful we can become in getting what we need from ourselves and others. And the more respectful we are of the limits, boundaries and gifts of others, the more grace can be found as we seek places to have our needs met...and learn skills to reciprocate and meet others' needs.
Most simply, needing is part of being human. We are not meant to be islands. We are not meant to do it all alone. As we peel away barriers of shame that have been passed on to us by our families or the generations that came before them, we can see needs for what they are: basic ingredients that feed the human being--emotionally, physically, spiritually and practically.
When we learn how to get what we need, we have more space to give others what they need. And when we can both give and receive, the circle of our interconnection strengths.
Copyright 2011 Linda Marks
How Love Evokes Our Unloveable Parts
Last month I wrote about how what might appear to be incompatibility in a relationship, might actually provide a pathway to deepen love. In the mirror of love, as intimacy grows, we feel safe to be more of who we are. We can then take the risk of letting our wounded, unhealed and less developed parts, the parts we fear are "unloveable," surface for the purpose of healing.
Sometimes this happens consciously. But often it happens subconsciously or unconsciously. In the safety of love, our defenses start to melt, and our shadow parts emerge, the way a shoot emerges from a tulip bulb buried under the earth, sensing that spring is coming soon.
Initially, we may be horrified to feel so exposed, and to feel the discomfort of the parts we judge are "unloveable." What we reject, we distance from. This creates a barrier to intimacy with both self and partner. When we withdraw, we remove our energy, and it is the presence of this energy that allows intimacy to grow and flow.
It takes a lot of energy to keep our "unloveable" parts in the shadows. And sadly, most of these "unloveable" parts are very human. If only we feel safe enough to share them in a safe and loving context, we may find more compassion from others than we might anticipate given our own internal judgments.
And this very sharing, where we are received with compassion, may provide the very healing we crave and need. When we are brave enough to share our "unloveable" parts with our loved ones, we may find out that we are more loveable, "warts and all," than we might have imagined. And being embraced as a whole person, with human foibles, wounds and strengths, is what most of us yearn for deep down inside, in our heart of hearts.
Offering the gift of full presence to our loved ones, with an open heart, free of judgment, creates the safety to melt through barriers of self-judgment. In the end, we all win. Removing judgment creates more room for intimacy and love.
Copyright 2011 Linda Marks
Sometimes this happens consciously. But often it happens subconsciously or unconsciously. In the safety of love, our defenses start to melt, and our shadow parts emerge, the way a shoot emerges from a tulip bulb buried under the earth, sensing that spring is coming soon.
Initially, we may be horrified to feel so exposed, and to feel the discomfort of the parts we judge are "unloveable." What we reject, we distance from. This creates a barrier to intimacy with both self and partner. When we withdraw, we remove our energy, and it is the presence of this energy that allows intimacy to grow and flow.
It takes a lot of energy to keep our "unloveable" parts in the shadows. And sadly, most of these "unloveable" parts are very human. If only we feel safe enough to share them in a safe and loving context, we may find more compassion from others than we might anticipate given our own internal judgments.
And this very sharing, where we are received with compassion, may provide the very healing we crave and need. When we are brave enough to share our "unloveable" parts with our loved ones, we may find out that we are more loveable, "warts and all," than we might have imagined. And being embraced as a whole person, with human foibles, wounds and strengths, is what most of us yearn for deep down inside, in our heart of hearts.
Offering the gift of full presence to our loved ones, with an open heart, free of judgment, creates the safety to melt through barriers of self-judgment. In the end, we all win. Removing judgment creates more room for intimacy and love.
Copyright 2011 Linda Marks
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
What Men and Women Need: Hormones and Relationship
Next time your male partner sits on the sofa and proceeds to veg out in front of the tv, rather than complaining, say "thank you." By relaxing on the sofa, his body can literally let down from the stress of the day and generate more testosterone to bring to you in the bedroom or bring to the world as he works diligently by day.
And the next time your female partner needs to talk when she is emotionally upset, realize she is trying to take care of her physical health as well as her psychological health, so she can be closer to you. The part of the brain that regulates emotional response in women under stress is 2 1/2 times greater than in men. A woman needs to talk to destress.
The most recent work of relationship expert John Gray shows how what men and women really need has a lot to do with their hormones. Understanding our most basic and primal wiring is key to appreciating what will make us happy.
As society has changed, roles for men and women have also changed. And with the change in roles have come changes in what men and women need to feel loved and understood. Women have moved out of the need for security that was present decades or centuries ago. To find fulfillment in today's world, women need to focus on their needs for intimacy, romance and connection.
Women are becoming more stressed in our testosterone driven culture. In fact, John Gray notes that women's happiness levels are steady declining. Women need to be seen, heard, touched, felt, and need to feel connected, not alone, and supported at an emotional level. As the stress level goes up for women, these needs increase.
Women are designed to be emotionally activated under stress. This leads to feelings and a need to talk about what she is feeling. Being able to speak and be heard releases her stress. Giving also reduces stress for a woman. Women need to practice self-care and find ways that nurture them, and not just look to men to get their needs met.
When a man is under stress, he is wired to do something (fight) or forget it (flight). Men are moved to do, fix, or act. Men have an off switch where they can go blank, in contrast to a a woman's brain that speeds up under stress. For men to engage in decompression activities where they get to use their "off switch" is key to destressing and rejuvenating.
These hormonal differences suggest some important coaching tips so men and women can love and support each other more effectively and both genders can get primal needs met.
If a woman is stressed out and lets her male partner know that by listening to her for 10 - 15 minutes will make her feel better, then he can "do" something that will "fix" her "problem." If she then thanks him for listening and letting her know how much she appreciates it, that will help the man feel good about the interaction. Men like to make women happy. If a woman can learn to ask for what she needs in a frame that lets the man succeed at this task, it is a super win-win.
Likewise, if a man needs to chill out in front of the tv, if he can let his female partner know he needs to decompress for a bit, and invite her to sit next to him, he can enjoy her company, and also have the space to decompress. Being able to sit quietly for a period of time may be as nurturing for the man as being able to talk or vent for a period of time is for his woman partner.
While none of us are linear gender stereotypes, and both men and women have both male and female energy, these coaching tips for our primal roots can still be helpful as we navigate a world of changing gender roles.
And the next time your female partner needs to talk when she is emotionally upset, realize she is trying to take care of her physical health as well as her psychological health, so she can be closer to you. The part of the brain that regulates emotional response in women under stress is 2 1/2 times greater than in men. A woman needs to talk to destress.
The most recent work of relationship expert John Gray shows how what men and women really need has a lot to do with their hormones. Understanding our most basic and primal wiring is key to appreciating what will make us happy.
As society has changed, roles for men and women have also changed. And with the change in roles have come changes in what men and women need to feel loved and understood. Women have moved out of the need for security that was present decades or centuries ago. To find fulfillment in today's world, women need to focus on their needs for intimacy, romance and connection.
Women are becoming more stressed in our testosterone driven culture. In fact, John Gray notes that women's happiness levels are steady declining. Women need to be seen, heard, touched, felt, and need to feel connected, not alone, and supported at an emotional level. As the stress level goes up for women, these needs increase.
Women are designed to be emotionally activated under stress. This leads to feelings and a need to talk about what she is feeling. Being able to speak and be heard releases her stress. Giving also reduces stress for a woman. Women need to practice self-care and find ways that nurture them, and not just look to men to get their needs met.
When a man is under stress, he is wired to do something (fight) or forget it (flight). Men are moved to do, fix, or act. Men have an off switch where they can go blank, in contrast to a a woman's brain that speeds up under stress. For men to engage in decompression activities where they get to use their "off switch" is key to destressing and rejuvenating.
These hormonal differences suggest some important coaching tips so men and women can love and support each other more effectively and both genders can get primal needs met.
If a woman is stressed out and lets her male partner know that by listening to her for 10 - 15 minutes will make her feel better, then he can "do" something that will "fix" her "problem." If she then thanks him for listening and letting her know how much she appreciates it, that will help the man feel good about the interaction. Men like to make women happy. If a woman can learn to ask for what she needs in a frame that lets the man succeed at this task, it is a super win-win.
Likewise, if a man needs to chill out in front of the tv, if he can let his female partner know he needs to decompress for a bit, and invite her to sit next to him, he can enjoy her company, and also have the space to decompress. Being able to sit quietly for a period of time may be as nurturing for the man as being able to talk or vent for a period of time is for his woman partner.
While none of us are linear gender stereotypes, and both men and women have both male and female energy, these coaching tips for our primal roots can still be helpful as we navigate a world of changing gender roles.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Why Incompatibility Is A Crucible For Love
When people leave relationships, often they speak of "incompatibilities." Incompatibility does not need to mean deal breaker, And even more so, relationship experts Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt note that ALL right relationships have incompatibilities. It is the nature of relationship and the nature of the deepening of intimacy and love.
When people first fall in love, they feel a connection with their partner, and often focus on the sameness and the feeling of connection. The sameness and feeling of connection are real, however, as intimacy deepens, there is more under the surface that is not as cozy and comfortable as the sameness and connection in the new relationship energy stage.
Hendrix and Hunt believe the purpose of relationship is unconscious. The unconscious purpose is to heal the wounds of childhood and grow up and become whole. That is why we go from "falling in love," to what I call "the shadow lands." Rather than fighting or competing for scarce resources like wounded children, we need to become co-healers. Hendrix and Hunt reflect that because there was an emotional or physical absence of a caretaker at critical moments in our developmental experience, we experienced the wounds of "ruptured connection" or "missing connection."
Connection in the present with a beloved partner repairs the ruptured connection that is still alive in the memory from our childhoods. Hendrix and Hunt assert that incompatibility is not only the NORM for relationships, but also it is the GROUND of intimate partnership. When we fall in love with someone, as intimacy deeper, painful memories are triggered and emerge to heal. We blame our partners, which leads them to put up their defenses. We get used to living with a defended partner. If we can learn to provide enough safety for our partner to let down their defenses, a new vulnerable person emerges.
We fantasize that a compatible person is someone just like us so there is no conflict or tension. This is not reality. It is not how nature works, according to Hendrix and Hunt. We require the tension of opposites to heal and grow. The nature of relationship is the person you are deeply attracted to WILL have incompatibilities. And this is the opportunity of the relationship. . If you do not recognize this, it will lead to ruptures in the relationship, and if people are truly not conscious about this pattern, they may leave someone they really love.
Hendrix and Hunt note that in any couple the two people polarize into two roles: the "turtle" and the "hail storm." When stress comes, the turtle withdraws. When stress comes, the hailstorm needs to talk, analyze and figure things out. There is a precious gift in the polarization, even if it feels uncomfortable. The hail storm needs someone to slow them down and ground them. The turtle needs someone to pull them out of their shell. No matter how uncomfortable this tension is, it is very necessary. The hail storm needs to become more like the turtle and slow down, and the turtle needs to become more like the hail storm and speak up.
Rather than withdraw, the turtle needs to mirror the hailstorm and show they hear and understand what the hailstorm is saying. If the hailstorm is first mirrored and then is asked, "is there anything I can do to support you right now?" the hailstorm will calm right down. The hail storm needs to honor the turtle's process and give them space. If the hail storm tells the turtle, "I am available for connection if you and and when you are," the turtle will know they can take their space and then reach out. Both polarities need to learn to regulate their energy.
The bottom line is that incompatibility is normal and healthy. We need to develop skills to work with and grow from incompatibility. Hendrix and Hunt suggest three things to transform incompatibilities:
1. Create safety: Don't speak for your partner and tell them how they are. Don't judge them, blame them or criticize them. Talk about your own experience without judgment or blame.
2. Commit to healing each other's wounds: Your partner is not a monster taking all the emotional oxygen out of the relationship. Recognize they were wounded in childhood and need to heal. Learn what they need and give it to them. Hendrix and Hunt call this "stretching into your partner's need system."
3. Learn to sit in the tension of conflict or incompatibility until a new, third possibility emerges: Instead of using your lower brain to analyze what's wrong, move your energy to higher cerebral functioning to create win-win solutions. Do creative problem solving. Sit in the tension until a new solution emerges that includes both apparently incompatible polarities.
Rather than say you are in the wrong relationship, if you really love your partner, know you are in the right relationship. This resonance, if you stay connected to it, gives you the emotional bond to sustain the relationship when, as Hendrix says, "the dream becomes a nightmare." This takes consciousness, care, commitment and a real value for the love.
Note: The content for this blog entry came from an interview with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt as part of the Love Summit.
When people first fall in love, they feel a connection with their partner, and often focus on the sameness and the feeling of connection. The sameness and feeling of connection are real, however, as intimacy deepens, there is more under the surface that is not as cozy and comfortable as the sameness and connection in the new relationship energy stage.
Hendrix and Hunt believe the purpose of relationship is unconscious. The unconscious purpose is to heal the wounds of childhood and grow up and become whole. That is why we go from "falling in love," to what I call "the shadow lands." Rather than fighting or competing for scarce resources like wounded children, we need to become co-healers. Hendrix and Hunt reflect that because there was an emotional or physical absence of a caretaker at critical moments in our developmental experience, we experienced the wounds of "ruptured connection" or "missing connection."
Connection in the present with a beloved partner repairs the ruptured connection that is still alive in the memory from our childhoods. Hendrix and Hunt assert that incompatibility is not only the NORM for relationships, but also it is the GROUND of intimate partnership. When we fall in love with someone, as intimacy deeper, painful memories are triggered and emerge to heal. We blame our partners, which leads them to put up their defenses. We get used to living with a defended partner. If we can learn to provide enough safety for our partner to let down their defenses, a new vulnerable person emerges.
We fantasize that a compatible person is someone just like us so there is no conflict or tension. This is not reality. It is not how nature works, according to Hendrix and Hunt. We require the tension of opposites to heal and grow. The nature of relationship is the person you are deeply attracted to WILL have incompatibilities. And this is the opportunity of the relationship. . If you do not recognize this, it will lead to ruptures in the relationship, and if people are truly not conscious about this pattern, they may leave someone they really love.
Hendrix and Hunt note that in any couple the two people polarize into two roles: the "turtle" and the "hail storm." When stress comes, the turtle withdraws. When stress comes, the hailstorm needs to talk, analyze and figure things out. There is a precious gift in the polarization, even if it feels uncomfortable. The hail storm needs someone to slow them down and ground them. The turtle needs someone to pull them out of their shell. No matter how uncomfortable this tension is, it is very necessary. The hail storm needs to become more like the turtle and slow down, and the turtle needs to become more like the hail storm and speak up.
Rather than withdraw, the turtle needs to mirror the hailstorm and show they hear and understand what the hailstorm is saying. If the hailstorm is first mirrored and then is asked, "is there anything I can do to support you right now?" the hailstorm will calm right down. The hail storm needs to honor the turtle's process and give them space. If the hail storm tells the turtle, "I am available for connection if you and and when you are," the turtle will know they can take their space and then reach out. Both polarities need to learn to regulate their energy.
The bottom line is that incompatibility is normal and healthy. We need to develop skills to work with and grow from incompatibility. Hendrix and Hunt suggest three things to transform incompatibilities:
1. Create safety: Don't speak for your partner and tell them how they are. Don't judge them, blame them or criticize them. Talk about your own experience without judgment or blame.
2. Commit to healing each other's wounds: Your partner is not a monster taking all the emotional oxygen out of the relationship. Recognize they were wounded in childhood and need to heal. Learn what they need and give it to them. Hendrix and Hunt call this "stretching into your partner's need system."
3. Learn to sit in the tension of conflict or incompatibility until a new, third possibility emerges: Instead of using your lower brain to analyze what's wrong, move your energy to higher cerebral functioning to create win-win solutions. Do creative problem solving. Sit in the tension until a new solution emerges that includes both apparently incompatible polarities.
Rather than say you are in the wrong relationship, if you really love your partner, know you are in the right relationship. This resonance, if you stay connected to it, gives you the emotional bond to sustain the relationship when, as Hendrix says, "the dream becomes a nightmare." This takes consciousness, care, commitment and a real value for the love.
Note: The content for this blog entry came from an interview with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt as part of the Love Summit.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Psychology of Perception: The Danger of Misplaced Attention and Priorities
It is so easy to miss much in life, and even miss the very finest treasures that life has to offer if we focus our attention too narrowly and don't think deeply about our priorities. Perhaps this is why it is so easy to end up as frogs in a pot of boiling water, clueless of our context or how we got there.
The following piece was sent to me by my best friend Brenda. It is a very powerful message not only about the psychology of perception, but also the danger of misplaced attention and priorities.
"THE SITUATION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Back pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent--without exception-- forced their children to move quickly.
At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
* In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
* If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
* Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
In we do NOT have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW....it has an expiration date."
The following piece was sent to me by my best friend Brenda. It is a very powerful message not only about the psychology of perception, but also the danger of misplaced attention and priorities.
"THE SITUATION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Back pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent--without exception-- forced their children to move quickly.
At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
* In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
* If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
* Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
In we do NOT have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW....it has an expiration date."
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