Singer-Songwriter As Emotional Alchemist

Over the past few months as I have been traveled through some incredibly challenging spaces, I have become increasingly aware that as a singer-songwriter, I am an "emotional alchemist."

Not only does music provide a language to express feelings that go much deeper than words, but also, the process of songwriting, the songwriter can transform pain (and other challenging experiences) into gold.

Music is a language that reaches from the heart of the songwriter to the heart of the listener. A song can touch the heart of the audience and in doing so, help us recognize our basic humanity and build a bridge that connects us all.

The process of writing two of my newest songs was very much an alchemical process. On November 1, I woke up with a virus that was going around that literally stole my voice. I was totally mute, which is a horrible way to be as a singer, and an even more troubling place to be with important gigs to play at! In fact I was supposed to play at a wedding on November 1, and had written a special song for the wedding. In my heart, I could not disappoint the bride and groom. But with no voice, what was I going to do? I could not even call them to tell them about my predicament.

Thank goodness, the prior Thursday, I had recorded the new song, "Our Vow," in the recording studio. So, I could play the piano live and play the studio vocal track at the wedding. I was able to text about my situation, and indeed follow through with live piano and studio vocal track.

But my voice did not return for many weeks. And as time passed, I found myself despairing. A voiceless singer, who always wants to sing is like a bird with clipped wings. I knew I needed to be on vocal rest. But as a therapist, I have to talk to my clients. I could not be mute and function in my life for an indefinite period of time. Weeks turned into more than a month. And with a compromised voice at the 6 week mark, my violinist expressed her concern. I called the Massachusetts General Voice Clinic and they gave me an appointment on January 3.

But I still woke up crying in the morning, and found myself crying when I tried to go to sleep at night. It felt like a bit of the chicken and the egg: one the one hand, not having a voice evoked deep grief; on the other hand, I suspected the deep grief was part of what was stealing my voice.

As I sat with the deep feelings, honoring the tears, and praying for healing, I found myself writing a new song, "The River." The deep emotional crucible of grief and tears were transformed into lyrics, melody and piano arrangement. And within a couple weeks, my voice did finally fully return, just in time to cancel my appointment at the Massachusetts General Voice clinic!

I have to believe that the alchemical act of writing the song helped me heal. And when songs are sourced from such a deep, genuine, human, heartfelt place, they are guaranteed to touch the heart of the listener.

"The Gardener," which will be on my 2020 The Piano album, is another product of emotional alchemy. I wrote it on the 5th anniversary of my mother's death. She had Alzheimer's and the song tells her story. I entered "The Gardener" in a songwriting contest, and the judge who provided feedback said s/he could tell this was a real story, and that made a powerful song.

It is not always emotionally comfortable to be a human being. And perhaps, even more, so, it is not always emotionally comfortable for a songwriter, who visits deeper emotional terrain as a creative artist. But the gift of the songwriter is the ability to transform pain into gold. And for this, I am grateful.

An Invitation to Create Brave Space In Real Time In Our Virtual World

A member of my monthly Community As Healer group shared a wonderful poem, which beautifully portrays the spirit of how we can create healing in community. It is called "An Invitation to Brave Space" by Micky ScottBey Jones:

Together we will create brave space Because there is no such thing as a "safe space" We exist in the real world We all carry scars and we have all caused wounds in this space We seek to turn down the volume of the outside world, We amplify voices that fight to be heard elsewhere, We call each other to more truth and love We have the right to start somewhere and continue to grow We have the responsibility to examine what we think we know, We will not be perfect. It will not always be what we wish it to be But It will be our brave space together , and We will work in it side by side...

In our increasingly virtual world, creating community spaces together is becoming increasingly rare. We may connect online in virtual spaces. But we cannot literally or physically be "side by side" when online. We cannot feel the energy of a group of hearts gathering together. There really is palpable energy when a group of people come together and join their hearts. We cannot look into the eyes of the people with us. We can get some visual cues from an online conference on Skype or a visual platform. But we really cannot make fully present eye to eye contact in the moment...and truly share space with one another in the silence that sometimes unfolds from this kind of presence.

We certainly cannot reach out to touch another human being. We cannot give literal hugs in cyberspace. And for all the emojis in the world, there are so many more expressions you can read when a real human being is across from you or beside you. There is a special power of gathering in the real world that is very different than gathering in the virtual world.

As we approach the turn of the new decade I have been reflecting back on how different things are now from the way they were at the turn of the century. In the year 2000, I created so many more "brave spaces" in physical reality. The groups I participated in were real time, in person meetings. People might have been busy and had lots of life commitments, but somehow there was more space for the regular rhythm of in person gatherings. Taking time to be present in person requires a kind of slowing down that is not possible in cyberspace. Being on computers or phones seem to speed everything up. So many texts to answer. So many Facebook posts to view and respond to. So many e-mails to read and write. So much data at our fingertips, always growing, waiting for us. And we can navigate cyberspace so quickly with the touch of a finger, never mind the old school typing of the keyboard.

I honestly found a kind of perfection in the imperfection of gatherings of real human beings in the here and now. Somehow, creating a safer place to share, together, allowed me to be touched by the vulnerability of my friends or colleagues or even initially strangers...who became less foreign with the passing of face to face time.

Today I can have a conversation by e-mail, but still not really know the person I am dialoguing with nearly as well as spending time in conversation in person over time. I loved my pen pals as a child. Receiving their letters from parts far away was magical. But it was not the same as actually going to whatever country they lived in (I DID meet one of my pen pals who lived in Manchester, England when I was in my 20's) or having them come to visit me (as a pen pal from Gambia did when I was a teen).

I suppose we create a kind of brave space together in cyberspace. But, I am sorry, it just does not give me the same peace of heart and mind as gathering together in person. Every time I have the privilege of leading my monthly Community As Healer group, I cherish the continuity of relationship of the long-term group members. I cherish the magical healing that takes place when we join hearts, minds and hands. I cherish hearing each person tell the latest news of their life's journey with their check ins. And I enjoy the physical time ritual of sharing lovely healthy snacks group members bring to share.

More truth and love can be shared real time. And I really DO love working in brave space side by side. Being a hand on someone's shoulder or having someone literally get my back really feeds my heart.

Fred Rogers' Extraordinary Contribution to Emotional Literacy

When I was a child, I remember watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, complete with its magical puppets like Henrietta Pussycat, King Friday the 13th and Daniel the Tiger, and its human characters including Lady Elaine, and Mr. McFeely the Postman, among others.

I enjoyed the show as a child, but I don't think I recognized how extraordinary it was until I was much older. In a culture that seems to ignore the value of emotional literacy, Fred Rogers was offering one of the few places children and adults could learn about the importance of identifying their feelings and developing healthy emotional habits.

When "A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood" hit one of my local art house movie theaters, I made it a point to take myself there post haste. I cried my way through the movie, touched by the way Fred Rogers touched people just by being who he was. Fred was not "an act" on tv. Fred's tv persona was no different than the real Fred Rogers you might encounter in life. And Fred had a deep commitment to emotional literacy, ongoing learning and personal growth as a way of life.

He had a gift for articulating essential truths simply and clearly: "There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind."

After the movie, I found myself searching the internet to find "words of wisdom" from Fred Rogers. They were abundant. And the collected words I found comprise a wonderful guide to healthy self-care, communication and relationships. Here are some of my favorite Fred Rogers quotes.

"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."

"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider these people my heroes."

"When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way."

"At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."

"When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."

"Love is life infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're 'equally infinite.' Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is too."

"All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors--in our own way, each one of us is a giver and receiver."

"I don't think anyone can grow unless he's loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be."

Fred Rogers' wisdom made him the consummate therapist, a true spiritual teacher, and a kind of Buddha-like human being. The fact that he was a very human human being, who could acknowledge he was not perfect and that life was a continuous journey of learning, healing and growing, made his wisdom all the more accessible and impactful. As I write the evening before Thanksgiving Day, I am counting my blessings for the work and gifts of Fred Rogers.

Music And Mental Health

As I prepared my set list to perform at a benefit concert for Tunefoolery this past Saturday, I found myself reflecting on the connection between music and mental health. My own two deepest life passions have been healing and music. And my experience is that both are sourced from the same creative well inside. Music and healing both are sourced from the heart, and both nourish and express our deeper, often non-verbal or voiceless parts in life affirming ways.

Being involved in organizations that integrate music and healing, whether it be performing at a benefit, singing with the Boston Minstrels at prisons, homeless shelters or VA hospitals, or singing as a singer-songwriter in mental health settings, assisted living facilities has always left me feeling emotionally and spiritually richer.

I found myself journaling about why music fosters mental health:

Music helps us find each of us find our voice. Voice is the expression of the soul. Voice is a sense of who we are and what we bring to the world. Voice helps us define our sense of self and show up in the world.

Music helps us express what is deeper than words. Much of our core humanity is experienced deeper than words. It is experienced in what we feel emotionally and somatically. It is experienced in felt sense, impulse, a momentary touch or glance. Music is a way to translate the non-verbal, with words and with melody, chords and sound.

Music touches the heart. Our world is not very emotionally safe. We need to defend and protect our hearts to keep safe. Behind our walls of protection, we may be safe at one level, but numb or alone. Music safely finds a way to reach through protective walls or defenses to reach the heart.

Music opens the heart. As the heart is touched by music, it often opens. Tears flow. Joy radiates. Anger may be safely felt. Vulnerability can also be safely felt. In these ways, music gives us the gift of emotional aliveness.

Music helps us feel connected and no alone. The stories expressed in songs are often our stories. Stories of love. Stories of loss. Lessons learned. Relationships with mothers and fathers and daughters and sons and friends and lovers. We recognize our own relationships, experiences and journeys and feel our interconnection.

Music bridges all divides. Music is not just words and notes. It is a vibration. It is energy. Is it emotion. And the notes, words, vibration, and energy reach through walls, across divides, and even beyond differences of culture and language.

Music is love energy in sound. The vibration and energy of music is love. Like Stevie Wonder writing music "in the key of life." Music from the heart reaches the heart. The heart recognizes the energy of love.

Music helps us feel and release what is locked up inside. What is locked up inside us is often at the root of what gets labelled as "mental illness." Anxiety. Depression. Trauma. Fear, pain, sadness, anger, aloneness all get locked inside us. It our spirit is weighted down. We numb. We freeze. We dissociate. If our feelings are locked up, we don't know how to find the key to release them...until music gives us that key.

Music touches the core of our humanity. I can not tell you how deeply I have been touched as I hear the talent and the heart of people who share their voice in song in prisons, in homeless shelters, in hospitals. People who feel lost and invisible command center stage. I have found my tears flowing freely, and shared tears with others also deeply touched.

Living On Purpose and Synchronicities

Synchronicities can feel like magical gifts: you think of a friend and then they call or text you...you cross the path of a stranger in a grocery story and it turns out they work in a company you've been wanting to network your way into...you attend an event and it turns out the person sitting next to you turns out to be someone who knows a friend of yours that you haven't seen in a long timed and wanted to reconnect with...

Synchronicities could be called "being in the right place at the right time." And they can also be taken as demonstrations that everything in life is interconnected. There really are six degrees of separation, or perhaps fewer. And when we focus on something that really matters, even if it is subconsciously, life moves to support what really matters in its own timeframe.

Some people consider them random and call them "coincidences." But I have found that they are not quite as random as we might think if we find ourselves connected to a thread of purpose driving our lives. As we grow a connection to our spiritual core--becoming clearer and clearer who we are at a very fundamental level, what really matters, and what living from what really matters means, our lives become more purpose driven. And the thread of personal purpose directs us to take actions that align with our spiritual core. These actions lead to meeting people, being in places and having experiences that are more likely to help us live into what really matters, what we feel in our hearts, and ways we want to bring deeper meaning and service into our lives.

I remember a refrigerator quote when I was in my 20's from Goethe whose message was that if you act from a place of purpose or divine guidance, life will move with you and support you. When you think about it, if you are trying to live a meaningful, spiritually driven, grounded life, and you are trying to make a positive difference through your words and actions, why wouldn't life support you?

Life will throw us all curveballs along the way. No one is imagine from difficult times or challenges. And enough trauma or big enough trauma can certainly feel spiritually crushing, and may be truly isolating to the point we question is we still have a spiritual foundation. But often the spiritual core of our human beingness is still deep enough and strong enough to help us prevail.

I think of the boys' soccer team that got trapped in the cave in Thailand a year or two back. The boys' coach had a very strong spiritual core and engaged in a meditation practice. By sharing this meditation practice and his spiritual strength with the boys, together, they managed to survive grueling conditions. And miraculously, the team of divers that braved life threatening conditions to find them, DID find them. And all of the boys and their coach were successfully rescued in a miraculous way. When the news of the rescue was in the news, I was not at all surprised.

Even when David Ortiz was shot, something I have written about both in words and in music, I had a feeling that there would be divine intervention to help him stay alive. David has an extraordinarily deep and big heart. And he is someone who has also struck me as a deeply spiritual human being. That a man near him in the nightclub has been shot himself, and recognized the urgency of getting David to a medical clinic within minutes of the shooting was an incredibly synchronicity. It saved his life.

The song "From A Distance," talks about God watching us and looking out for us, which may be harder to relate to for people who do not consider themselves religious. Yet, whether religious or not, when one goes deeper, it is hard NOT to notice or crave a connection with some sort of spiritual life force. Having a purposeful life is important to many if not most people, because purpose gives life meaning. Living a meaningful life brings happiness. Lack of meaning eats at the spirit and at our healthy.

Whatever our method and whatever our journey, as a sense of personal purpose gets clearer, it is easier to believe that God is watching us and choreographing much of what will unfold in our lives. And call it universal energy if you like, but this kind of spiritual dimension is at the heart of synchronicities. When I find myself having a series of synchronicities, including in unexpected places and ways, I take it as a sign that I am moving in the right direction.

Finding Your Center in the Eye of the Storm

Have you ever had a time in your life when seemingly everything deconstructed at once? Losses, deaths, unexpected changes on personal and professional fronts, one after another. No room for breathing space. Or perhaps, if we move from the personal to the global, is the unrelenting news about gun violence, fires in the Amazon, the palpable effects of climate change, the opioid epidemic, the political climate in the country and the behavior or those in positions of power too often overwhelming?

It seems too easy to find yourself in the eye of the storm. And this past month, I have truly experienced a life tornado challenging me to find and keep my center over and over again.

What can we do to stay sane, grounded and whole in the face of life's tornado forces? Read on.

1. Create a daily meditation practice for grounding. Before I start each day, and often before I wind down for bed, I take some space to meditate and go inside to give room for my deeper feelings, relax my mind, and connect with the still silent place inside from which my inner guidance arises. There are many ways to meditate, and sitting on a cushion with your legs crossed is just one of them. Lying in my bed for 15 - 30 minutes after I have first woken up provides a natural meditative space. Going inward as I exercise on the cross trainer at the gym gives me another meditative opportunity and space. Sitting outside while the weather is still nice and closing your eyes can provide another meditative environment. Taking a walk. Cooking mindfully. Find what works for you and incorporate it into your day.

2. Check in with your body and heart as you go through your day. It is too easy to get on a timeline and proceed methodically from one appointment to another without taking time out to tune in. If you are under high stress, even a 5 minute time out to close your eyes and take some deep breathes can create more spaciousness and grounding. Your body and heart most always have messages to give you about what pace to go at, what is most important and what you need for self-care, if you take the time to listen.

3. Be gentle and compassionate with your overwhelmed parts. When I get overwhelmed, I might have one of several responses. I might go numb because there is just plain too much for me to emotionally process. I might feel really sad, because something just crossed a line and I can no longer contain myself. I might get angry because I feel like I have lost the very inner peace I work so hard to cultivate and maintain. I don't like lose my grounding. I don't like feeling over my limit. But no matter how hard I work at self-care, I am human and sometimes too many pieces stack all at once. If I can bring compassion to my overwhelmed self, there is more space for my humanity--and yours.

4. Find a way to express your overwhelm, including feelings of sadness, anger and numbness. If I can find words to express what I am feeling, I can come back to my center. Sometimes I need to talk to someone I trust. Other times my journal or even typing into my computer is enough. Physical movement might be necessary. Or even writing or listening to a song. Painting or drawing might be an expressive pathway. Learn what expressive pathways work for you and them utilize them regularly!

5. If everything feels like just too much, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel the too muchness. Today, after a period of great stress and unexpected and unwelcome changes in many life arenas all at once, I hit a breaking point. Something happened that blew open the container of inner spaciousness I work so hard to maintain. And emotionally, I "lost it." My heart, spirit and mind all said, "I can't take anymore. This is all too much." I felt alone, my head spinning from the litany of "punches" my heart and spirit had absorbed in rapid succession, without the time and space I needed to seek support and process them. What had happened was just too much--internally and externally. But I could still be kind to myself. And I very much needed to step away, slow down, cry and feel the too muchness.

6. Learn when to reach out for connection and when to go deeper inside for grounding. If I reach out when I really need to go inside or if I go inside when I really need to reach out, I will not feel better, supported or more grounded. Being able to reach inside and reach out are both important skills. And the wisdom to know which one will be most supportive at any point in time takes time to develop.

7. Pray for things to get better. I do believe that if I hit a limit and reach out spiritually and ask for things to get better, it makes a difference. How and where we direct our consciousness and our heart energy, in time, DOES make things better. There will always be the things we can't control (like random mass shootings or corruption in government), but our self-care is something we can become more and more skilled at.

Self-care, emotional and spiritual grounding, self-expression and seeking support are all critical behaviors in ordinary life, but when we need to find our center in the eye of the storm, they are anchors, and life preservers.

Building Community Through Music and Art

Building community through music and art has been a commitment of mine since I was in my early 20's. As a 21 year old in Boston attending graduate school in organizational development at MIT, I was also deeply engaged in my first professional music career. I founded an artists-alliance group called The Boston Arts Roundtable, which met to discuss our process as musicians and artists in my living room in Arlington, MA, as well as collaborating on multi-media concerts in Eastern MA.

When I lived in Shrewsbury after graduate school, I would have informal salons at my house, where friends shared music, art and community. It was fun introducing people who circulated in different communities to others they would never had met had we not gathered in these salons. When I moved to Waltham 4 1/2 years ago, creating an intimate house concert series, the Music Salon, was a vision and motivation to get the house I actually chose to live in. Each month we build community through music and art, and my house happily stewards this spirit even in the days in between salons.

Co-founding the Women In Music Gathering, also an artist-alliance group, with Cindy D'Adamo and Colette O'Connor came from the same inspired seed. Gathering women musicians together bimonthly for a potluck lunch, sharing about our personal and professional journeys and a song share, complemented by collaborative concerts seemed like a natural and needed initiative.

All of these initiatives were and are local. The ability to gather face to face regularly over time, and present programs together in local venues is rich and meaningful. When I was fortunate enough to learn about LadyLake Music and its magical and inspired founder, Cindy D'Adamo, there was a natural fit not only professionally but also spiritually.

I have gratefully been a LadyLake Artist for about 1 1/2 years, and was amazed that primarily through social media, I could be part of a vital and growing network of people who were on a similar wavelength spiritually as well as professionally. But Cindy D'Adamo has a wonderful way of screening musicians for their values, work ethic and vibration as well as their talent. So, the people she brings together as the LadyLake community and family are warm, dedicated and really enjoyable people.

After communicating through all possible virtual platforms, but not yet in person, it was such a special experience for Cindy to come to Boston from Cape Coral, FL for our LadyLake Boston Showcase at City Winery. Texas LadyLake artist Dave Martinez also came to town, and it was no surprise what a warm and delighted human being he is in addition to being a fabulous performer.

Cindy really understands what it means to build community through music and art, but even more importantly, knows how to screen people even through social media, to find people truly on the same wavelength. Cindy seeks givers, not just takers, visionaries who are also implementers, and people who recognize that when we work together and support each other, we all fly higher and go farther.

In my coaching and body psychotherapist, an image I have used with clients for years is that of a lighthouse. The more grounded we become, the clearer we are about who we are, and why we are here (our purpose), the clearer the signal we radiate into the world from the core of our being. This signal or the frequency we transmit is like the beam of a lighthouse. And people we have not yet met are looking to see this signal or feel this beam, in order to be drawn towards to the people and experiences they need to move forward along their personal pathways.

To trust that putting out an authentic signal will bring us people on our wavelength--both people we need to meet and people who need to meet us, for the higher good of all, is at the root of this lighthouse image. After spending time with Cindy, it is wonderful watching her implement this very model at a national and global level.

The lighthouse model allows social media and our internet world to have a human touch reach through it. All possible platforms of interaction become places the lighthouse beam can shine and others can recognize the frequency in order to make meaningful connections. The connections can lead to local or regional face to face community and a larger national or global alliance which can be translated into face to face for special projects.

The LadyLake Boston Showcase was the beginning of this kind of translation, where some long distance alliances could come together to perform on the same stage in Boston. The possibility for more events of this kind, not only in Boston, but in other cities, is exciting and a natural follow on.

When community gathers, connection can happen and grow. And in the energy field of this growing community connection, all kinds of good things are possible. This kind of collaborative support community is so deeply needed and a true antidote to some of the scary, inhumane and toxic things happening in this country and our larger world.

I hope more and more people hear the call for this kind of collaborative community, and respond to this lighthouse beam. Music is the soul's language which brings us together and connects us heart to heart. These kinds of connections feel our soul, and help us stay grounded both in our vision and our humanity. I truly pray that our joint efforts "light up the love" as my friend Jerry Meunier, founder of Light Up the Love (tm) says. So many individual people and the world as a whole needs this now!