Fred Rogers' Extraordinary Contribution to Emotional Literacy

When I was a child, I remember watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, complete with its magical puppets like Henrietta Pussycat, King Friday the 13th and Daniel the Tiger, and its human characters including Lady Elaine, and Mr. McFeely the Postman, among others.

I enjoyed the show as a child, but I don't think I recognized how extraordinary it was until I was much older. In a culture that seems to ignore the value of emotional literacy, Fred Rogers was offering one of the few places children and adults could learn about the importance of identifying their feelings and developing healthy emotional habits.

When "A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood" hit one of my local art house movie theaters, I made it a point to take myself there post haste. I cried my way through the movie, touched by the way Fred Rogers touched people just by being who he was. Fred was not "an act" on tv. Fred's tv persona was no different than the real Fred Rogers you might encounter in life. And Fred had a deep commitment to emotional literacy, ongoing learning and personal growth as a way of life.

He had a gift for articulating essential truths simply and clearly: "There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind."

After the movie, I found myself searching the internet to find "words of wisdom" from Fred Rogers. They were abundant. And the collected words I found comprise a wonderful guide to healthy self-care, communication and relationships. Here are some of my favorite Fred Rogers quotes.

"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."

"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider these people my heroes."

"When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way."

"At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."

"When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."

"Love is life infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're 'equally infinite.' Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is too."

"All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors--in our own way, each one of us is a giver and receiver."

"I don't think anyone can grow unless he's loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be."

Fred Rogers' wisdom made him the consummate therapist, a true spiritual teacher, and a kind of Buddha-like human being. The fact that he was a very human human being, who could acknowledge he was not perfect and that life was a continuous journey of learning, healing and growing, made his wisdom all the more accessible and impactful. As I write the evening before Thanksgiving Day, I am counting my blessings for the work and gifts of Fred Rogers.

Finding Your Center in the Eye of the Storm

Have you ever had a time in your life when seemingly everything deconstructed at once? Losses, deaths, unexpected changes on personal and professional fronts, one after another. No room for breathing space. Or perhaps, if we move from the personal to the global, is the unrelenting news about gun violence, fires in the Amazon, the palpable effects of climate change, the opioid epidemic, the political climate in the country and the behavior or those in positions of power too often overwhelming?

It seems too easy to find yourself in the eye of the storm. And this past month, I have truly experienced a life tornado challenging me to find and keep my center over and over again.

What can we do to stay sane, grounded and whole in the face of life's tornado forces? Read on.

1. Create a daily meditation practice for grounding. Before I start each day, and often before I wind down for bed, I take some space to meditate and go inside to give room for my deeper feelings, relax my mind, and connect with the still silent place inside from which my inner guidance arises. There are many ways to meditate, and sitting on a cushion with your legs crossed is just one of them. Lying in my bed for 15 - 30 minutes after I have first woken up provides a natural meditative space. Going inward as I exercise on the cross trainer at the gym gives me another meditative opportunity and space. Sitting outside while the weather is still nice and closing your eyes can provide another meditative environment. Taking a walk. Cooking mindfully. Find what works for you and incorporate it into your day.

2. Check in with your body and heart as you go through your day. It is too easy to get on a timeline and proceed methodically from one appointment to another without taking time out to tune in. If you are under high stress, even a 5 minute time out to close your eyes and take some deep breathes can create more spaciousness and grounding. Your body and heart most always have messages to give you about what pace to go at, what is most important and what you need for self-care, if you take the time to listen.

3. Be gentle and compassionate with your overwhelmed parts. When I get overwhelmed, I might have one of several responses. I might go numb because there is just plain too much for me to emotionally process. I might feel really sad, because something just crossed a line and I can no longer contain myself. I might get angry because I feel like I have lost the very inner peace I work so hard to cultivate and maintain. I don't like lose my grounding. I don't like feeling over my limit. But no matter how hard I work at self-care, I am human and sometimes too many pieces stack all at once. If I can bring compassion to my overwhelmed self, there is more space for my humanity--and yours.

4. Find a way to express your overwhelm, including feelings of sadness, anger and numbness. If I can find words to express what I am feeling, I can come back to my center. Sometimes I need to talk to someone I trust. Other times my journal or even typing into my computer is enough. Physical movement might be necessary. Or even writing or listening to a song. Painting or drawing might be an expressive pathway. Learn what expressive pathways work for you and them utilize them regularly!

5. If everything feels like just too much, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel the too muchness. Today, after a period of great stress and unexpected and unwelcome changes in many life arenas all at once, I hit a breaking point. Something happened that blew open the container of inner spaciousness I work so hard to maintain. And emotionally, I "lost it." My heart, spirit and mind all said, "I can't take anymore. This is all too much." I felt alone, my head spinning from the litany of "punches" my heart and spirit had absorbed in rapid succession, without the time and space I needed to seek support and process them. What had happened was just too much--internally and externally. But I could still be kind to myself. And I very much needed to step away, slow down, cry and feel the too muchness.

6. Learn when to reach out for connection and when to go deeper inside for grounding. If I reach out when I really need to go inside or if I go inside when I really need to reach out, I will not feel better, supported or more grounded. Being able to reach inside and reach out are both important skills. And the wisdom to know which one will be most supportive at any point in time takes time to develop.

7. Pray for things to get better. I do believe that if I hit a limit and reach out spiritually and ask for things to get better, it makes a difference. How and where we direct our consciousness and our heart energy, in time, DOES make things better. There will always be the things we can't control (like random mass shootings or corruption in government), but our self-care is something we can become more and more skilled at.

Self-care, emotional and spiritual grounding, self-expression and seeking support are all critical behaviors in ordinary life, but when we need to find our center in the eye of the storm, they are anchors, and life preservers.

The Importance of Giving Thanks

On Thanksgiving evening, I am taking some quiet space to reflect with gratitude of the many good things in my life. I have always loved having a holiday that invites the opportunity to to meditate, take stock of what is good and right and give appreciation and thanks.

Our world moves so fast. Things change in the blink of an eye. Technology is a blessing and a curse. It is so easy to see the glass as half empty. Especially when we feel more isolated, disconnected or overwhelmed.

Giving thanks is a way of finding the ways the glass is half full or more than half full. Whatever we focus on grows. So, if we take the time to reflect on what is good in our lives, to appreciate the people, the creatures and the surroundings that support us, our sense of goodness expands.

Appreciation is good for the heart and soul. It is a kind of spiritual fertilizer. It helps good feelings grow within us, and it helps good feelings grow in the others we care about. Giving thanks and appreciation invites us to slow down, to be present in the moment, to breathe, to feel and to introspect. Once we have taken the time to introspect, giving thanks invites us to express what we have come to appreciate to our friends, family, colleagues and larger community.

Appreciation nurtures good will, which is another magic spiritual force. Good will invites collaboration. Good will invites generosity and kindness. Good will invites qualities of the heart, which make each moment more enjoyable and fulfilling. Good will helps make projects more possible and visions more realizable.

Giving thanks is also good self-care. It is a way of being kind to ourselves. It is a way to really savor what we love, what is important and what might be too easy to take for granted if we don't slow down and take stock.

When I sit with a group of people who together slow down, meditate and focus on what they have to be grateful for, I often hear realizations that many of the things that cause worry and anxiety are first world problems. Most of the people in my world have food, clothing and shelter. Most people in my world really do have enough. When we look at the people in CA whose homes and lives have been decimated by out of control fires, or even more locally at the people displaced by the Columbia Gas Explosions, the gift of having a safe, warm home becomes very clear.

Giving thanks for health, for creative pursuits, for having enough enrich our spirits and our lives. If we use the critical mind to find fault, we can always generate a laundry list of issues. Joining the mind, heart and spirit in listing what is good will feed the soul and help us find peace in the moment and over time as well.

Women, Emotions and the Heart

In my work, the relationship of the emotional heart to the physical heart is very clear. When someone is sad, their heart might be heavy. When someone is happy, their heart might feel light. When someone is nervous, their heart might be tense. As someone feels emotional relief, the tension in their heart relaxes.

When a woman experiences stress, her brain speeds up and alot of blood flow goes to the emotional part of her brain. She's designed to be emotionally activated under stress. This leads to feelings and a need to talk about what she is feeling. If a woman does not talk about what she is feeling, her stress level goes up. If she has no one to hear her, is shut off from expressing her feelings by a listener who does not want to or cannot hear her, or she is unable to speak, her stress level continues to rise, and takes a toll on her physical heart, as well as her emotional heart.

One way women relieve emotional stress is by giving. Giving generates the hormone oxytocin, the love and bonding hormone, which reduces her stress level and helps her feel better. However, if a woman just gives and does not get replenished, she will burn out from giving without being nourished in turn.

Concord, MA cardiologist, Malissa Woods, recognizes the mind-body connection in preventing and healing heart disease for women, and has designed a program to help reduce heart disease in women using 'a breakthrough mind-body approach' that combines tradntional medicine with emotional balance.

Featured in the Boston Globe on January 29, Dr Woods has just published a new book, Smart at Heart, which outlines 'a holistic 10-step approach' to help prevent and heal heart disease. She oversees a study at the MGH Revere HealthCare Center whose participants are 'low-income, stress-laden' women. By joining together, and finding a safe place to share their stories and seek support, they also treat the "common risk factors for heart disease," which include depression, obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sadly, low self-esteem.

Wood notes, "You're not going to exercise and eat right if your life is in shambles." Women need emotional support to sort out the obstacles in their lives so there is space to take care of themselves. Wood found that anxiety "permeated" the lives of most of the women in her study. "Surrounding yourself with people who have good habits" and building a strong social network is important for health and balance.

Mind-body practices like yoga, meditation and even mindful exercise help women listen to their emotional heart as well as care for their physical heart. Making small changes to your physical environment, like clearing a pile of old papers, can decrease emotional stress on your heart.

Women need emotional connection and expression, both with themselves and with others. Feeding emotional, spiritual and physical connection all contribute to a healthier female heart.